5 Reasons I Don't Flirt: Part 1

For the purpose of this blog post, the context of “flirting” will be between people who are not in a relationship with each other.

When I was around eleven years old, I decided that I would never flirt.

Boy, my little eleven-year-old self didn’t understand all the consequences of a decision like that.

At first, I was very pleased with myself and my decision. I looked down on all the flirty girls and held myself high up on a pedestal.

That lasted for a few years…until I started noticing something.

I watched a friend flirt with a guy. And guess what happened? He flirted back.

I was stunned.

I’d always believed the honorable girl would be noticed for her character. But then, before my eyes, I watched as all the guys flocked to the flirty girls. No one stayed behind to talk to me.

Over and over again, I watched my flirty friends get all the guy attention while meanwhile, I sat over in the corner with one of my girl buddies. I realized that no one was noticing me.

This went on for years.

I have to admit—I struggled a lot with my decision. I was frustrated that all the guys were so shallow as to be taken in by flirting. I was frustrated that I could never have a serious conversation with any guys without a girl running up and flirting with him.

Day in and day out, I asked, “Does anybody notice that I’m trying to honor God? Does anybody even care? Are there any guys who are looking for character—or do they all just want to have fun? Is this worth it?”

Was it truly worth it to not flirt? Would anyone ever notice me? Would I end up an old spinster?

These questions plagued my thirteen and fourteen-year-old mind and heart.

Thankfully, God gave me the strength to stick to my commitment. Several older, godly girls helped me through that time, encouraging me to act above reproach even when it wasn’t fun.

Now, I’ve started reaping some of the benefits of that decision, and I’m so happy with my choice.

So why don’t I flirt? Here are the first two reasons that I’ve stuck with my decision. The next three will be coming next week! :)

1. I lose respect.

…with the guys

When you flirt, guys see you more as something to “have fun” with. They don’t see you as someone to have a serious conversation with or as someone they could ask for prayer from.

You come across as desperate. Guys like confidence, not desperation.

As I get older, I see that there are guys who see flirting as immature and pointless and those guys do not respect the flirts.

…with the girls

You know what turns my sister off to a girl more than anything else? When she’s flirty. A flirty girl vies for all the guys’ attention and makes it difficult for the others to have a good friendship.

Flirty girls are viewed by other girls as competition, not friends. They are not trusted or appreciated the way that girls who don’t flirt are.

…with adults

My parents both immediately have more respect for non-flirty girls than the flirty ones. I think the same is true for most—if not all—adults.

Flirty girls come across as not very intellectual (even if they are), often foolish, and desperate. They seem silly. Very few people want to take them seriously.

2. I don’t love, honor, and respect the guys around me as my brothers in Christ.

When you’re flirting with a guy, are you trying to build him up in the Lord? No! You’re trying to take from him. You’re trying to steal from him things that don’t belong to you—his attention, his affection, even his heart. Is that loving him as a brother in Christ?

You don’t show a guy that you respect him by flirting with him, do you? I would even dare to say that most of the time, you’re disrespecting him.

Are you honoring him as a leader who will one day have a family to guide? No. You’re pretending that his future wife isn’t important at all—that it doesn’t matter if you toy with her future husband now. That’s not honoring him, and it’s defrauding his future wife.

What’s more, you don’t bring out the best in guys. More than often, you’re bringing out his flaws when you get him to flirt back to you. You’re not building him up. You’re tearing him down.

 These are just a couple of the reasons I decided not to flirt. Check back next week for the rest of my reasons!

What is your position on flirting? If you don't flirt, why not? If you were giving advice to someone who struggled in this area, what would you say? Share in the comments!

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Should I Write Letters to My Future Husband?

I just got my blog on Bloglovin! If you want, you can follow me now! :)

Writing letters to your future husband is a way I’ve heard that many girls deal with their desire to have a guy right then.

I’ve done it. I haven’t written many, but I’ve written a few.

Potentially, this could be a wonderful wedding gift for your future husband.

Potentially, however, this could not go down as you expected.

It all depends on the guy you marry.

Of course us, as ladies, would LOOOOOVE to get a stack of letters from our future husbands that they had written before they knew us. Yes, we would all be like, “AWWWWWWW!”

But you cannot forget that guys are different then we are. To be quite honest, he might look at that stack and say, “Good grief, I’m not reading all that.”

Or you might get a husband who starts reading them, but forgets part way through and leaves them in a closet. 

Then again, you may get a guy who picks up and reads every single letter.

My point is that there are many different types of men out there.

You don’t know which one you’re going to get.

If you want to write letters to your future husband, then go for it. But do not attach your heart to those letters. Do not expect him to treasure them. If he does, then what wonderful gift! But if he doesn’t, be ready.

Do not destroy the joy of being a newlywed because you’re upset that he never read your letters.

Just because he didn’t read your letters doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. He just expresses and receives that love very differently.

P.S. A guy will typically find less appeal in a letter that’s more like a journal of yours than a letter. So keep that in mind as you write.

Do you write letters to your future husband? If so, when did you start? Why did you start? If you don’t write letters, is there something else that you do? Or do you think all of that is stupid? Share in the comments! :)

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Practical Tips for Entering the New Year Part 3: Give Thanks!

How can I approach change with the right mindset?

Part 1 of this mini-series was about joy, and part 2 was about prayer. In this final installment, I want to talk about the last part of 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18. How can we give thanks in all of our circumstances, even if they aren’t ideal?

“Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Part 3: Give Thanks

    The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines thankful as being “conscious of benefit received; expressive of thanks; or well-pleased.” I can think of times when I have expressed thanks in all those ways. When I receive gifts, I am thankful to the person who gave it to me. When someone goes out of their way to help me or make time for me, I feel thankful towards them. When something works out in my favor or I succeed on a task, I am thankful for the work and effort that caused the results.

    A lot of times, when we think of being thankful, we picture it circumstantially: we are thankful for moments, for people, for events. While this is a good habit, what about the times when the moments, people and events don’t naturally make us feel thankful—when events are cancelled, when people fail us, when moments are disappointing? Rightly, we may feel some sadness about those circumstances. How can God expect us to “give thanks in all circumstances” when sometimes the circumstances don’t evoke in us a sense of thankfulness?

    Paul, the author of 1^st and 2^nd Thessalonians, shares this command with us even though he has been in some pretty awful circumstances. His whole life was flipped upside down when he left his old lifestyle and embraced the Gospel. His conversion led to a life of travelling, preaching, being persecuted and spending plenty of time imprisoned for his faith. Yet in almost every book in the New Testament that Paul wrote, he mentioned joy and gratefulness. His joy came not from his circumstances, but from his God.

    The three actions of this verse—rejoice, pray, give thanks—are connected. Paul can rightly command us to give thanks in all circumstances, because ultimately it is not about the circumstances, but about the God who saved us and gives us every reason to rejoice. Prayer helps us to refocus our minds on fellowshipping and worshipping God, reminds us of what He has done in our lives, and is an avenue for us to express our thankfulness to Him.

“The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.”

1 Corinthians 15:56-57

Maybe this year will bring you success in your goals, exciting new opportunities, and strength to break free of old and sinful habits. Rejoice in your triumphs, pray to God for direction, and be grateful! But maybe, this year will not bring anything new or exciting. Maybe it will bring hardships and failures and bad news, maybe your temptations and sins will seem especially burdensome and hard to escape. Still, I urge you to rejoice, pray, and give thanks to God, for that is what He desires from us.

And if you are a normal human, then I expect this coming year will be full of ups and downs, successes and failures, temptations and the strength to endure them, spiritual growth and times of stagnant faith.

My appeal to you is this: whether change happens or doesn’t, whether you have trials or triumphs this year, let your hope be fixed on something much steadier than your own circumstances. Remember your standing before God and all He has done and will do in your life:

Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits,

who forgives all your iniquity,

who heals all your diseases,

who redeems your life from the pit,

who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, 

who satisfies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.

Psalm 103:3-5

Whatever happens this year, choose to rejoice in the Lord, choose prayer, and choose thankfulness! This is the will of God for those who are in Christ Jesus! (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18)

Brittanie is a recent college graduate, new wife, and expectant mother! She enjoys spending time with family, serving her church, and encouraging her friends. You can follow her on Instagram: @djbritbrit
  
What goals/plans will you make to give thanks this year? Share in the comments!

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