5 Benefits of Not Flirting

“I can’t stand to be around her,” My sister told me.

“Why?” I asked.

She clenched her hands, “Because she’s so…so… FLIRTY! It’s awkward every time a guy is there! It’s disgusting! I just don’t want to be around her.”

Have you ever felt this way?

When I was around eleven, I decided I would not flirt with anyone I wasn’t in a relationship with. If you want to know my reasons, see my recent Part 1 and Part 2 on why I decided not to flirt.

That’s what I did—I didn’t flirt. 

Have I regretted this choice? Absolutely not! Here are the ways that I benefited from that decision and why I recommend you make the same commitment. 
1. People treat me with respect and take me seriously.

2. I don’t view the guys around me as objects to be played with.

I see that they’re people with feelings, weaknesses, strengths, desires, etc. They don’t want their heart broken any more than I do.

When I stopped viewing guys as potential husbands, I started seeing them as real people whose sole purpose is not to make me happy but to glorify God.

3. I have deeper, closer relationships with the girls around me than I ever would have had I been a flirt.

When you flirt with guys, you make the girls around you competition. They won’t like it and you won’t be able to have a strong relationship with them. Especially if you’re flirting with her crush!

4. I know now that God created me to be satisfied in Him and He is the only One who can satisfy me.

Flirting is a tool to get us what we girls desire most right now—attention, affirmation, and affection. When we use flirting to get these things from guys, we are ignoring the One who promises to fulfill us. We also are chasing after a cheap cop-out of what God designed for us—true, lasting fulfillment in Christ. If we teach ourselves now to be satisfied in a guy, we will take that attitude with us into a relationship and into marriage. 
*Spoiler Alert!* Guys can’t satisfy you.

  5. My friendships with the guys around me are deeper and truer than if I’d been a flirt.

The flirty guys run off to find the flirty girls, and so I’ve been extremely blessed by the godly guys who hang around me instead of the flirty girls. Let me tell you: an honest friendship with a godly guy is something very valuable and definitely not something to be taken lightly.

6. Morning Glory. I can almost guarantee that I would never have started Morning Glory if I had been consumed with getting guy attention.

Why did I even start Morning Glory in the first place? Because I had grown so much in the years where I did not have guy attention. No attention forced me to go to God for my needs. As a result, I learned so much about Him and about life.

Ladies, God is far more satisfying than a few seconds of a cute guy’s attention.

I hope you will consider these things as you go throughout your teen years. What is the most important thing to you right now: honoring God or getting attention?

What are your thoughts on this issue? Do you agree or disagree? If you have decided not to flirt and have seen benefits, what have those benefits been? Share in the comments!

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5 Reasons I Don't Flirt: Part 2

              Last week we talked about the first two reasons why I don't flirt. Here are the last three!

3. I build a wall between me and the girls around me.

Even though people may say it doesn’t make a difference among girls if you’re flirty, it totally does.  

I was recently talking to one of my friends about flirting and I said that I didn’t think that flirty girls gained as much respect as a non-flirty girl. Her response was, “I agree. Completely. A non-flirty girl definitely gains more respect (and probably attracts a better crowd of guys) than one that chases guys.”

When you’re always flirting, other girls see you as a hindrance to their friendship with guys. Girls don’t trust you.

4. I train myself to find my value in guys.

You’re always trying to figure out who likes you, counting up the number, and deciding if you’re pretty based on that. You compare how many guys like you to how many guys like that other girl. Are you seeing the consequences of this? We’re back to viewing other girls as competition, becoming dissatisfied with how we were created, and we’re not finding our worth in the right place.

Our value as girls and as human beings doesn’t come from other people and it doesn’t come from ourselves. Our value comes from Christ because He placed an eternal worth on each of us when He died on the cross. We should not find our worth in guys.

5. I look for guys to fulfill my needs instead of God.

Again, it’s that desperate searching for fulfillment in something other than God, and it will leave you empty.

God created us to be fully satisfied in Him. We cannot find our fulfillment in anything else but Him. What’s more, we will not be as satisfied with a guy if we shove God aside as if we keep God first place in our lives and He gives us a guy.

Remember: Guys can’t satisfy you. Only God can.

Yes, not flirting is hard. Was I perfect? Absolutely not! Because of my decision to not flirt, I would often swing to the other side of the spectrum and completely ignore guys which also is not loving them as brothers-in-Christ. And yes, I struggled with this decision many times. But now, I’m reaping the benefits of that decision—which will be discussed in an upcoming blog post!

If you could go back and change something about how you lived your life ages 11-13, what would you change? For those in that stage of life, what commitments do you want to make? Share in the comments!

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5 Reasons I Don't Flirt: Part 1

For the purpose of this blog post, the context of “flirting” will be between people who are not in a relationship with each other.

When I was around eleven years old, I decided that I would never flirt.

Boy, my little eleven-year-old self didn’t understand all the consequences of a decision like that.

At first, I was very pleased with myself and my decision. I looked down on all the flirty girls and held myself high up on a pedestal.

That lasted for a few years…until I started noticing something.

I watched a friend flirt with a guy. And guess what happened? He flirted back.

I was stunned.

I’d always believed the honorable girl would be noticed for her character. But then, before my eyes, I watched as all the guys flocked to the flirty girls. No one stayed behind to talk to me.

Over and over again, I watched my flirty friends get all the guy attention while meanwhile, I sat over in the corner with one of my girl buddies. I realized that no one was noticing me.

This went on for years.

I have to admit—I struggled a lot with my decision. I was frustrated that all the guys were so shallow as to be taken in by flirting. I was frustrated that I could never have a serious conversation with any guys without a girl running up and flirting with him.

Day in and day out, I asked, “Does anybody notice that I’m trying to honor God? Does anybody even care? Are there any guys who are looking for character—or do they all just want to have fun? Is this worth it?”

Was it truly worth it to not flirt? Would anyone ever notice me? Would I end up an old spinster?

These questions plagued my thirteen and fourteen-year-old mind and heart.

Thankfully, God gave me the strength to stick to my commitment. Several older, godly girls helped me through that time, encouraging me to act above reproach even when it wasn’t fun.

Now, I’ve started reaping some of the benefits of that decision, and I’m so happy with my choice.

So why don’t I flirt? Here are the first two reasons that I’ve stuck with my decision. The next three will be coming next week! :)

1. I lose respect.

…with the guys

When you flirt, guys see you more as something to “have fun” with. They don’t see you as someone to have a serious conversation with or as someone they could ask for prayer from.

You come across as desperate. Guys like confidence, not desperation.

As I get older, I see that there are guys who see flirting as immature and pointless and those guys do not respect the flirts.

…with the girls

You know what turns my sister off to a girl more than anything else? When she’s flirty. A flirty girl vies for all the guys’ attention and makes it difficult for the others to have a good friendship.

Flirty girls are viewed by other girls as competition, not friends. They are not trusted or appreciated the way that girls who don’t flirt are.

…with adults

My parents both immediately have more respect for non-flirty girls than the flirty ones. I think the same is true for most—if not all—adults.

Flirty girls come across as not very intellectual (even if they are), often foolish, and desperate. They seem silly. Very few people want to take them seriously.

2. I don’t love, honor, and respect the guys around me as my brothers in Christ.

When you’re flirting with a guy, are you trying to build him up in the Lord? No! You’re trying to take from him. You’re trying to steal from him things that don’t belong to you—his attention, his affection, even his heart. Is that loving him as a brother in Christ?

You don’t show a guy that you respect him by flirting with him, do you? I would even dare to say that most of the time, you’re disrespecting him.

Are you honoring him as a leader who will one day have a family to guide? No. You’re pretending that his future wife isn’t important at all—that it doesn’t matter if you toy with her future husband now. That’s not honoring him, and it’s defrauding his future wife.

What’s more, you don’t bring out the best in guys. More than often, you’re bringing out his flaws when you get him to flirt back to you. You’re not building him up. You’re tearing him down.

 These are just a couple of the reasons I decided not to flirt. Check back next week for the rest of my reasons!

What is your position on flirting? If you don't flirt, why not? If you were giving advice to someone who struggled in this area, what would you say? Share in the comments!

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