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10 Tips for Beating a Crush: Tip 6

Anastasis Faith
6.   Avoid things that cause you to think often of romance.

Check out my post, “5 Reasons I Avoid Romance Novels and Movies.” Whether it’s books, movies, music, the Internet, or whatever, run from things that cause you to stumble. Romance books and movies are usually the hardest things for me, which is why I decided to put them away.  Though I usually listen to Christian music, the times that I’ve listened to love songs have hurt me more than helped. They make me wish that I had a boyfriend and make me view guys as there to satisfy me.
That is a wrong thought. Guys are not on earth for us. Guys are not going to satisfy us, though much of today’s media will try to convince you of that. Only God can satisfy us. When we get caught up in romantic thoughts and daydreams, it’s super hard to focus on God and respect the guys around us as brothers. 

10 Tips for Beating a Crush Avoid Romantic Triggers
It is very helpful to just put aside the music, books, movies, certain blogs, etc. Whenever I focus on other people’s relationships and romance, it becomes easy for me to be discontent and want what they have.
This tip is closely tied to Tip 2: Don’t Daydream. How much time you spend consuming romantic media will directly affect how often you feel inclined to daydream.
There is a time and place for romance media. There are some romance novels and movies that do not bother me at all. The romance media that tend to be harmful to me are the ones that emphasize looks, physical touch, and feelings. Again, they are pushing the lie that if you snag a cute guy, you’re going to be happy. They’re trying to get you to believe that if you don’t have a super hot guy, you’re not going to be happy. For more on being satisfied in Christ instead of guys, read this post.
They also try to make us believe that the only way we can get a hot guy is to be a hot girl. This totally ramps up the insecurities in our lives. It can tempt us to dress or act immodestly to get attention. If you don't believe me that having a guy won't make your insecurities go away, read this post.
By consuming large amounts romantic media, we set ourselves up for failure in beating a crush. By putting these things aside, we tell God that we desire to pursue Him and that we don’t want to be distracted by the things of this world.
If you’re looking to eradicate your crush, this is extremely important. Getting rid of these influences will have far reaching benefits. If you’re trying to manage your crush, it can keep you from wanting to jump to the Next Step in the relationship, whatever that may be.
Again, I encourage you to read the post, “5 Reasons I Avoid Romance Novels and Movies,” for more on this topic.

Practical Tips:
            -Root out the problem. Whenever you find yourself slipping into more daydreams, a melancholy attitude, and losing the desire to work hard, ask yourself if you’ve been consuming romantic media.
            -Do research on the books and movies you want to read/watch beforehand. It’s better to not start a book that has too much romance than to have to put it aside halfway. Plugged In is my favorite resource for checking out movies before I see them.
            -Avoid secular music. Another hard one, but replacing breakup songs with songs that praise God is a huge step in beating a crush and eliminating distractions. On the days that I listen to worship music, I’ve found it’s a billion times easier to not get distracted.
            -As hard as it sounds, put away the stumbling blocks. It’s not easy to put aside a great novel, but if the romance is defiling you, then it’s necessary. I had to walk away from both a movie series and a novel that I was in the middle of because they were hurting me.

"So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart."
2 Timothy 2:22

Do not be deceived: "Bad company corrupts good morals."
1 Corinthians 15:33

But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh in regard to its lusts.
Romans 13:14

Do you consume lots of romantic media? When do you think it’s okay to do so, and when do you think that it’s harmful? Any stories? Share in the comments!

10 Tips for Beating a Crush: Tip 5

Anastasis Faith
            If you missed the first several posts in this series, I highly encourage you to go back and read them!
10 Tips for Beating a Crush Stay Busy

5. Stay busy

Stay busy, but not stressed! Check out the articles, “10 Tips for Reducing Stress: Part 1” and “10 Tips for Reducing Stress: Part 2.”  
Don’t give yourself a chance to slow down and get all emotional and romantic. Daydreaming, especially, is hard to fight if you’re bored! So go play with siblings, your dog, or whatever. Do something nice for your mom or dad. Clean your room. Write a guest blog post. :) Do homework. Write cards! Work on hobbies! The list is limitless.
Staying busy and building healthy habits of diligence will be very helpful in fighting a crush. However, be careful of getting too busy and spending less time with God. The idea is to spend plenty of time with God, but keep busy enough to not give yourself a chance to dwell on your crush.
God has blessed me with an extremely hard working family that will not tolerate laziness. From an early age, my parents have instilled in me the importance of diligence and I’m very thankful for that. Staying busy—especially with things like Morning Glory!—has always been an incredible help for me.
I would encourage you to get involved in your church, and other ministries. This is one of the best ways to stay focused on God, serve other people, and not get distracted by a crush. When you spend your time doing the Lord’s work, it gives you a perspective on your own struggles. The things we struggle with, like not getting any attention from our crush or having him not respond to a text, can seem so silly compared to people who are dealing with the loss of a loved one, a crisis pregnancy, or homelessness.
You will hear lots of talk here on Morning Glory about your ministry potential. What is ministry potential? It’s how much time, energy, and love you can pour into ministry. The girls who have the most ministry potential are the ones who are willing to spend much of their time and energy serving, but are also unhindered by other things. For instance, a girl pining away over her unrequited love isn’t going to have as much ministry potential as someone who has whole-heartedly accepted her singleness for the furthering of God’s kingdom.
God places us in seasons for a time and for a purpose. Do not waste your single season by pining away for a guy. God has a purpose and calling for you higher than daydreaming. 
Married women with families aren’t going to have the same type of ministry potential that a single girl will. Single girls often will have more time, flexibility, and energy to focus on serving at church or in a community.
God has given you these single years for you to go hard after Him. God has given you more time for ministry than you may ever have again. He’s given you all the resources you need to make a difference and to pursue Jesus with your whole heart.
Use these years that God has given you for ministry. You won’t regret it.  Staying busy with ministry will have many rewards:
·          You learn to take the focus off yourself and onto others.
·          You learn to put serving and obeying God first.
·          The guys you will attract will be the ones serious about their walk with Christ. These guys will be more drawn to your heart for God than your looks. These guys are the ones that will make godly husbands one day.
·          You don’t have time to daydream, pine away, and throw pity parties.
·          And you will develop so many more godly character traits.

Practical Tips for Staying Busy:
            -If you find that you have time to daydream, brainstorm ways you can get more involved in ministry.
            -Look for opportunities in your church to serve.  
        Do they need a preschool Sunday school teacher? More backup vocalists for the worship team? Someone to wipe down tables after fellowship time? Pinpoint a need and meet it. If you don’t have a church, then FIND ONE.
            -What are you passions/gifts/talents? 
        For me, I’m passionate about teen girls and I love to write—the result was Morning Glory. Figure out what you’re good at and what you love. Find your special ministry niche.
            -Remember that service starts at home.  
        Yeah, this isn’t going to be the most glamorous work, but it’s the work that will build your character and define you. You can serve your family in more ways than you can serve anything else. Service can mean keeping your room clean, loving your siblings, obeying with a cheerful heart, submission, humility, doing your chores, doing the dishes when no one is looking, etc. True humility serves even when it goes unnoticed.

“For we hear that some among you walk in idleness, not busy at work, but busybodies.”
2 Thessalonians 3:11

“And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.”
Galatians 6:9

“Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain.”
1 Corinthians 15:58

“Therefore, brothers, be all the more diligent to make your calling and election sure, for if you practice these qualities you will never fall.”
2 Peter 1:10

Do you find you have extra time every day? What are some ways you plan on getting more involved in ministry? What are things that you are already doing to stay busy? Thoughts or stories? Share in the comments!

10 Tips for Beating a Crush: Tip 4

Anastasis Faith
4.   Spend time with God.

Read your Bible every day. No buts. No excuses. It’s hard, and sometimes it’s not that interesting. But developing a healthy habit of reading your Bible every day will affect you more than you understand.
When you spend time with God, you tell Him that He’s important in your life. When you start off the day by spending time with Him, you tell Him that He’s the first priority in your life. By shrugging off reading the Bible, you tell Him that He isn’t important in your life. 

10 Tips for Beating a Crush Spend Time with God

Years ago, when I started reading the Bible daily, it was a chore. Now, it’s my joy. I can’t go a day without reading it—and some days it’s hard for me to tear myself away. The passages that used to seem boring to me are now coming alive with things I never noticed about God. His character and His love for us comes through in every single page. It is crucial that you make time every day to be with God and to be in His Word. Yes, there will be dry seasons, but God never changes and He is always the same. Cling to those promises during dry times.

“Your word is a lamp to my feet
And a light to my path.”
Psalm 119:105

“But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”
Matthew 6:33

Also, pray a lot. Spend time every day praying for others, as well as yourself. Stay in touch with God. Thank Him throughout the day for the things He’s done for you. Even though God already knows everything about you, pray to Him like He doesn’t know anything. Lay everything out before Him. Don’t hide anything. And then learn to rely on His comfort.
Another great resource during a time like this is our devotional ebook, 30 Days of Surrender. Of course, one of the days is Surrender Love and I think we all must learn better how to surrender our heart's affections to Christ.

“This is the confidence which we have before Him, that, if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us.  And if we know that He hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests which we have asked from Him.”
1 John 5:14-15

“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin.  Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.”
Hebrews 4:15-16

Finally, memorize Scripture. I used to be like, “Memorize Scripture? What? Too much work. Besides, I can just Google any verse that I want!” But now I’m discovering how important the verses I’ve memorized are to me. Verses and song lyrics are some of the most helpful things when I’m fighting temptation, such as daydreams. Check out this article addressing the importance of Scripture memory and this article with practical tips.

“Your word I have treasured in my heart,
That I may not sin against You.”
Psalm 119:11

Taylor says this:
This past year God has showed me that being in His Word, and praying to Him about everything that is going on, and asking Him to help me with my busy schedule helped so much. I started spending more time getting to know God better, which caused me to know that He controls my life. This made me realize that I have stopped thinking about the guys I had "picked" out.
Start spending time with God on a regular basis and He will help you think of so many more edifying things.

This tip is not an option—it’s a must. And it’s not different if you’ve got a good or bad crush. Whether you like an unbeliever or a strong Christian doesn’t change the fact that you must spend time with God.

Spending time with God will affect every area of your life. You will find yourself more cheerful, diligent, and confident, to name a few. It will be easier to fight sin and daydreams. God promises that He will make our paths straight when we rely on His Word. Not convinced? Read this post about why you ought to spend time with God every day.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart
And do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He will make your paths straight.”
Proverbs 3:5-6

Practical Tips for Building a Quiet Time Every Day:
-Don’t view it as an option. It’s a must.
-Get a Bible reading plan. You can make it or buy one, like the MacArthur Daily Bible.  When I first started reading the Bible every day, I would just choose a book of the Bible and read through it, a chapter a day. Then I used the MacArthur Daily Bible for two years. Now I’m going through a reading program with my church. Any year-long plan is going to have quite a bit of Scripture to read every day. It might be easier for you to start with something lighter. 
-Set aside a specific time every day. It could be right when you wake up, right before you go to bed, after lunch…etc. Whatever works for you. Just make sure that it’s a long enough time allotment that works every day.
-Have a friend/mentor/family member keep you accountable.
-Read your Bible first. By this, I mean that if you have a great novel or school to read, then read your Bible first. So many times, I’ve stayed up reading other things, looked at the clock and realized it was past midnight. And then I was too tired to read my Bible, or I just let my eyes skim over the page. Put your Bible first.
-Pencils, pens, markers, note cards, and notebooks. 
This is something that I have always done with my Bible reading. I underline verses that I love, and the verses that I really love, I write down on note cards and tape them to my wall. These are the verses I memorize. This is a great way to stay more engaged, interested, and actually glean something out of your reading. Writing down prayers in a notebook can help you stay focused and organize your thoughts.
-Read small enough chunks in your Bible to get something out of it.  
If you’re just starting to read your Bible, it might be easier for you to read a chapter a day and then try to build that up, over time, to 4 or 5.
-Grow your quiet time. 
If you can go longer, then go longer. Don’t just stop at thirty minutes if you could work your way up to an hour. The more time you spend with God, the more you grow, and the more emphatically you’re telling Him that He is first place in your life.  
-Read Women of the Word by Jenn Wilkin to learn how to study the Bible. Read our review of it here.

Has spending time with God been a low or high priority in your life? If low, what do plan on doing to change that? If high, what have you learned from it? Thoughts or stories? Share in the comments!

10 Tips for Beating a Crush: Tip 3

Anastasis Faith
3. Don’t build your life on a guy.

Don’t build your joy, happiness, security, or satisfaction on a guy. It’s not a stable foundation. God is the only Person that can give you true joy and true security. A guy will let you down because he is human. Christ will never let you down. Christ can give you those things even when that guy isn’t at that social gathering, or if you find out he doesn’t like you.
God has given us so much. He has blessed me beyond description and I have every reason to be thankful, joyful, and happy. We need to stay positive and look for reasons to be happy! For more on joy, check out the article by Brittanie called, “5 Ways to Increase Your Joy.” 

A fourteen-year-old girl shares her story about this.
So I liked this guy and he liked me and it was great! I had our future all planned out and everything was perfect – I was really happy. Then he started drifting away. I didn’t know what was going on, but I assumed it wouldn’t last. But it did, and it got worse. He began avoiding me, then flat out ignoring me. I wasn’t happy at all anymore. It was like my colorful life turned black and white.
I can see now what my happiness was dependent on, and it wasn’t God. It was my crush. I was so dependent on my crush and him keeping me happy that I didn’t even notice that all my happiness was in the hands in a flawed, inconsistent boy. It should have been in the hands of our flawless, completely consistent God.
Now, I don’t have a crush, and as far as I know, no guys are interested in me. But I’m not sad! I have no reason to be! When I fully put my happiness in God, and not in my crush or my circumstances, then I never have any reason to be unhappy!
I’m starting to understand the phrase “Hallelujah! All I have is Christ!” because I see now that He is enough! And not just enough, He is beyond enough! When all you have is Christ, He can make you sing “Hallelujah!”

After a melancholy day of not wanting to get things done, I realized that I was making this mistake. I was trying to build my happiness and stability on a guy. Once I realized this, I went outside and spent time in prayer to refocus on my heart on Jesus. Just by spending those thirty minutes with God, I was motivated to come inside and joyfully get my room cleaned and organized. You know your happiness is built on a guy when you’re sad if he’s not there or he doesn’t email/text you back. You know your happiness is built on God when you’re joyful in every situation.

“Though you have not seen Him, you love Him. Though you do not now see Him, you believe in Him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls.”
1 Peter 1:8-9

“The hope of the righteous brings joy, but the expectation of the wicked will perish.”
Proverbs 10:28

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.”
Romans 15:13

“He who walks in integrity walks securely,
But he who perverts his ways will be found out.”
Proverbs 10:9

Are you building your happiness, security, or anything on a guy, or are you rooting your joy in Christ? Any stories or thoughts? Share in the comments!

10 Tips for Beating a Crush: Tip 2

Anastasis Faith
When I was younger, we lived almost thirty minutes away from our church—or really anything in town. There was no “quick trip to the grocery store.” We were way out in the country. Car rides can be pretty boring, but I always found them to be a wonderful opportunity to daydream about my crush.

          The daydreams were anything from replaying over the last time I saw him to imaging his face when I walked down the aisle.
          Need I say that I often daydreamed about things that would, and usually could, never happen?
          And I made daydreaming a habit of mine.
10 Tips for Beating a Crush Don't Daydream

          Daydreams can certainly become oppressive. They are powerful. This is probably the hardest, but most effective way to beat a crush. From my own life experience as well as conversations I’ve had with other girls, daydreaming is one of the easiest ways to get emotionally attached and one of the hardest things to beat. It’s fun and it feels good. From our vantage point, it also doesn’t seem to have any consequences. In truth, however, the consequences are very dangerous.

          Our second tip, then, is this.

don’t daydream

          You can get emotionally attached extremely easily by daydreaming and before you know it, you’ve given your heart away. When you’re married, do you want to be plagued by thoughts of crushes you had when you were younger? Or would you rather be completely devoted to your husband and honoring Jesus?

          A good rule of thumb, also mentioned in Tip 1, applies: don’t think about him in a way that you wouldn’t think about your brother.

          For those of you looking to get rid of your crush, you must do this. Even if you apply ever other tip that’s going to be posted, if you keep daydreaming about him, everything else will be a waste. Fighting a crush and getting rid of it means you can’t indulge in those fleeting moments of pleasure.

          For those of you trying to manage your crushes, daydreaming is one of the big things that can cause you to desire The Next Step in the relationship. It can make you want to move things along faster than they should. If he’s not serious about a future with you, it will probably scare him off if you are.

          Daydreaming gives away your emotions and heart faster than you can blink. It’s extremely dangerous, but it is possible to beat it. Here are the stories of two girls who are actively fighting their daydreams.

          As Taylor writes,

          Do you ever go in default mode and all you can think about is one guy or trying to determine what he's doing at this very moment? I know I do. After several months, I asked myself why this guy was all I would think about. Why was I letting him control my life? I am not even old enough to be in a relationship with intentions of marrying soon.

          That is when I decided to stop daydreaming about this guy with my every waking and sleeping moments. I decided to live my life with purposeful thinking and letting Jesus control my thoughts.

          Asking God to control all my thoughts is so much better than being buried in daydreams about someone.

          Are you willing to fight daydreaming? It’s a hard task that seems to be never ending, full of ups and downs. But as Taylor said, it’s so much better to let God control our thoughts than to daydream.

          Christy shares her story.

          I have a sneaky little habit of getting attached to people, and this can become dangerous if it is left unchecked. In high school, I knew very few boys who were serious about anything. But in college, I met guys who I knew were prayer warriors, guys who exhibited joy even in trials, guys who really loved their families—the kind of things that I was attracted to. So then I would start to fixate my mind on them and daydream about all the possible ways our friendship could have gone.
          I had a couple crushes in college. They began by “liking" the guy, which is pretty innocent and normal, and then becoming their friend. After that, it would develop into basically daydreaming about our future together (I'm kind of a hopeless romantic). Whenever it got to this stage and I realized it, I would have to mentally force myself to stop thinking this way. It was unhealthy, because it caused me to desire something that is not mine—a romantic relationship with a boy that I am not in a committed relationship with.

          The best defense I have found is prayer. Usually, the prayer includes these aspects:

          -thanking God for giving me the friendship and example of a godly man.

          -asking Him to give me clarity in my emotions/discernment.
          -praying that God would help me to desire Him above all else and have peace in my singleness.
          -praying for the guy to have discernment and boldness to initiate something between us, if that is God's will.

          Both Taylor and Christy were willing to put God first in their thought life. I encourage all of you to make a commitment to stop daydreaming, hard as it may be. But remember that it can only be accomplished in God’s strength, through His grace in your life.

Practical Action Tips:

-Setting up springboards for your mind. 
When you find your mind drifting to daydreaming, you need to jump to a different thought. Bible verses are great springboards. Check out The Springboard Approach by Liza Grace for more details on how to do that.
-Pinpoint when you’re most vulnerable to daydreams. 
Is it during history class? Take more notes—or at least doodle! Something to keep your focus. Find out when it’s easiest for you to slip into daydreams. Then arrange your day so that daydreaming at that time isn’t an option.
-Live in the moment. 
As someone recently wrote me, “God's will is for me to be in that moment, engaged with the people I am with or doing the tasks I need to be doing. When you daydream, you rob others of your mental and emotional presence, and you are sinning when you ignore the moment God has put you in.”

-Follow Christy’s advice about prayer!

-Don’t get discouraged when you fail. 
It’s going to happen. You just need to get back up again and keep fighting.
-Check out the blog post 10 Tips for Conquering Daydreams.
-Memorize verses. 
Here are some verses that have helped me a lot in my battle against daydreams.

“We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.”
2 Corinthians 10:5

“And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.”
Romans 12:2

“No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it.”
1 Corinthians 10:13

"Keep watching and praying that you may not enter into temptation; the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.”
Matthew 26:41

"And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things."
Philippians 4:7-8

“Submit therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.”
James 4:7

“For since He Himself was tempted in that which He has suffered, He is able to come to the aid of those who are tempted.”
Hebrews 2:18

  Is daydreaming a struggle for you? How are you fighting it? Share in the comments!

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