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10 Tips for Beating a Crush: Tip 9

Anastasis Faith
9. Focus on others and pray for them.

Every Friday night, I volunteer at our church’s inner city kids’ ministry called Pioneers. The kids we play with and teach come from abusive and broken homes. Just a few weeks ago, I saw the broken heart of a little nine-year-old boy.
After my responsibilities were done, I wanted to go hang out with my friends. But then I was asked instead to play with the kids on the playground. I didn’t really want to, since I’d spent all evening with them and not with my friends. But God showed me that night how putting others first is so much better.
I got to have a long conversation with this little nine-year-old boy about the Gospel. We were talking about God’s love and I asked, “Who are some people in your life that love you?” He responded, “God, Jesus, and my grandma. But she’s dead.” Only a few minutes later, after he was smiling and laughing, I saw his eyes fill with tears.
I put my arm around his shoulder and as he clung to me, I felt a tear fall into my palm. He didn’t want to talk about it, but instead just sat there.
God gave me a glimpse of the suffering in a child’s life. I could have just gone and hung out with my friends—but this little boy may have been left alone.
God has bigger things for us to do right now than follow a cute guy all over the place.
When you’re in a room with him and you want to go talk to him, freeze. Ask yourself, “Is there a conversation that is more important than chatting with a guy?” Look around. Is there a girl that hasn’t been quite a cheerful as usual? Ask her if she’s okay. You may find she’s really hurting and I promise you that that conversation will be worth it ten times over.
When you take the focus off of yourself, you become more like Christ. God’s heart is for people. Just look at the prayers Jesus prayed. He was always praying for us, or asking for His Father to be glorified. In fact, if you look through the Gospels, never once did Jesus use His divine powers for Himself. He always used them for others. By focusing on others, you get rid of selfish motives and desires.
If you stop focusing on you, you stop focusing on what you want. You stop focusing on ways to use guys to give you security, belonging, meaning…etc.
Praying for others is a great way to move the focus off yourself and onto others. It helps me when I find myself struggling with joy, daydreaming, or feeling discontent, if I take time to pray for my friends.
A sixteen-year-old young lady writes,
Sometimes it's all too easy to focus so much on a crush and take your focus off of your friends and even off of God. One way to get your mind off of your crush is to look around at your friends and notice what struggles they are going through. Is someone in need of specific prayer? Is a friend having difficult time with schoolwork? Is one of your friends not saved? Opening your eyes to someone else's problems really helps take the focus off of your crush.
Some friends have much greater struggles than dealing with a crush, and some people you know may really need encouragement from you. Opening your eyes to other's problems helps take the focus off of your own.
You don't need to focus on just other people's struggles, though. You can focus on the people themselves. One way that I helped myself beat a crush was by opening my eyes to all the good friends God has blessed me with and letting myself see how much joy can be received from godly friendships.
The joy and encouragement you reap from your friends is more valuable than you think, so don't consider a crush to be more important than that. Friends are made to constantly give to each other, encourage each other, and enjoy each other's company, building foundations on Christ and His Word. When I started focusing on the attributes of my friends, I found that any loneliness I felt when it came to a crush gradually began to fill up with the love my friends have shown me.

God has been very gracious to me by helping me see what a blessing my friends are, and by helping me have more contentment, even if that means I don't have a guy liking me.
It can be a temptation to think that God and your  friends are not enough, and that having a guy like you is the only thing that can fill any loneliness in your heart. The truth is, only Christ can fill that void, and one of the beautiful ways He does it is by giving us friendships in which He demonstrates His love. We need to allow Him to do this, not just despair and claim that only guys will keep us satisfied. God is willing to help, but sometimes we don't want Him to.
Sometimes, when it comes to focusing on other things, we need to continue to remind ourselves how perfectly trustworthy He is, and He can and will help us deal with loneliness, if we bring it to Him and trust Him with it.

Also understand that you have incredible ministry potential right now. You’re single. You’re young. You’re not bound by the duties of being a wife and mother. When you take the focus off yourself, you increase your ministry potential so much. A girl crippled by a sinful or overwhelming crush cannot make the impact that a girl sold out for Christ can.

“…The woman who is unmarried, and the virgin, is concerned with the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how she may please her husband. This I say for your own benefit, not to put a restraint upon you, but to promote what is appropriate and to secure undistracted devotion to the Lord.”
1 Corinthians 7:34-35
(Emphasis added)

Practical tips:
-Make a prayer notebook/Word document with all the names of your friends. Pray for at least one of them every day. Make it a habit to ask your friends for prayer requests—yes, even the guys! If you don’t feel comfortable asking the guys for prayer requests, then just asking for something as simple as when their exams are can be easy but very meaningful.
-Keep an eye on your friends. Notice when there’s something wrong. Be there for them. Be attentive, ready, and eager to help. Remember that the girls around you need you more—and they are hurting just as much, and for many, even more than you are. Also, keep an eye on your crush like you would on your brother. Notice when he’s down, or when he’s stressed. A simple, “Praying for your test today!” can be a huge comfort to him (and don’t forget to actually pray for him!) This is part of loving him as a brother in Christ.
-Get involved in ministry. This is a tip I’ve put on several of these posts and a tip I could have put on all of them. I love ministry and God has grown me so much through it. I cannot encourage you enough to get plugged into your church and serve. God has equipped each person to serve in a special capacity in the church. You just need to go find it.

“Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.”
Philippians 2:3-4

“Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor.”
Romans 12:10

What are some ways we can be more attentive to our other people? How do you plan on serving your friends more? Any thoughts or stories? Share in the comments!

10 Tips for Beating a Crush: Tip 8

Anastasis Faith

Yeah, this is a rough tip. I mean, don’t we all want to grab the phone and text that guy and be like, “Hey, you coming to (fill in the blank) today?” Don’t we all want to “coincidentally” show up at that concert or restaurant he’s at?
This tip is mostly for you if you’re trying to eradicate a crush. It is applicable to managing a crush, but if you’re a strong Christian girl and you like a strong Christian guy, then you definitely should be getting to know each other. However, if you find yourself becoming obsessed with a guy—good crush or bad crush—taking some time off is definitely something you should consider.
If you’re looking to manage your crush, sometimes spending less time with him can mean not following him around. However, if you’re looking to eradicate a sinful crush, it may be wise—in some circumstances—to actually avoid seeing him several times a week. I wish there was a formula for how much time you could spend with someone without falling in love. Unfortunately, there isn’t. Use your judgement to discern what is helpful and what is hurtful for you and him.
This also applies to social media, emailing, and texting. If you email your crush, and you don’t want to completely break it off, then waiting hours or even days to respond might be smart. I know it’s hard, but we never said beating a crush was supposed to be easy.
If you’re not convinced, here are several reasons to spend less time with him.
First, it can help you diagnose how much you rely on him. If you’re all dumpy and depressed when he’s not with you, then that is a major red flag that you’re depending upon a sinful human being to supply your happiness, satisfaction, identity, etc. Read this post for more clues that you might be obsessed with a crush. Sisters, God didn’t make us to find fulfillment in a guy. God made us to find fulfillment in Him. He made us with needs that only He can meet. When we try to satisfy those needs in a guy, we’re just left broken. Guys can’t satisfy you. I can’t emphasize this enough. It’s a truth God has taught me that I keep forgetting. So He keeps reminding me that He’s the only One who can be everything I need and desire, and I keep coming back to Him…and then drifting off again. It’s a constant battle, but you must hold onto the truth.
Despite being caught up in the moment of an exciting crush, remember that guys can’t satisfy you. Even if you feel like they will and can’t see how they won’t, just believe it. Because it’s true. And God will show you that He’s all you need, but you first have to just believe it.
So spending less time with a guy can help us determine how much we’re leaning on a guy for our needs.
Second, it can help you get a grip on your emotions. Ladies, we’re emotional. I’m emotional. And that’s fine. That’s how God created us. But that doesn’t mean that we should be driven by our emotions. Spending time away from a guy can help us clear out the emotions and think straight. This has helped me a ton. As someone whose heart gets overwhelmed by feelings, having some time to cool off gives me the ability to sort through the good and the bad and make a decision based on God’s Word and my head. Not my feelings.
Not everyone is wired the same way I am, but one thing that is super helpful to me is to find a quiet place—I prefer outside—with a notebook and pen. I then just pour out all my emotions, which is usually a mixed spaghetti disaster of joy, sadness, anger, frustration, love, and confusion. It doesn’t have to be coherent. I’m not letting anyone else read it. But it calms me down and helps me refocus. Using the time I’m away from a guy to get a grip on my emotions is so helpful.
Third, spending less time with a guy can help you save your heart. You’re not going to get as attached to someone you see once a week as you would to someone you saw every day. If it’s a bad crush, you will find yourself far less vulnerable to those feelings the less you see him. If you’re trying to not become obsessed, some time away can help you refocus on the real Love of your life.
Despite the difficulty of not seeing someone that you want to see, it is a very valuable tool in helping you beat a crush. The less time I spend with someone, the less I think about him, the easier I can control my emotions, and the better decisions I can make as a result.
Now, if God is first place in your life, and you like a strong Christian guy, then I’m going to be the last person to tell y’all that you can’t get together and get to know each other more. There are time and places for spending time with a guy. I just want to caution you to make sure to keep God first place in your heart.
Practical Tips:
-If he’s not texting/emailing you, don’t text/email him. Don’t start a correspondence (See Tip7) if you’re trying to emotionally detach from him. It won’t help anything.
-Don’t always keep track of where he is and when. Give the guy some space! Don’t run after him like a desperate puppy. That’s not attractive. If he wants to be around you, he’ll make an effort to be where you are.
-Use the time that you would have used to chase a guy to chase after God. This could mean spending more time in your Bible and praying. This could mean more time in ministry or service. Whatever it is for you, I can promise you that you will never regret spending time with God.
-Spend more time with people who point you toward God. Invest in the godly girls around you in fun and meaningful ways! A couple weeks after I got my driver’s license, I went out for frozen yogurt with one of the godly college girls from my church. It’s so refreshing to me when I get to have a deep conversation with a like-minded girl. I’m always so blessed and energized. Be humble enough to open up. Spend time with people who desire to pursue Jesus with their whole heart, even if they’re weak and struggling. If their heart is in the right place, you will be so refreshed.
-Keep track of how many hours you spend with a guy each week. Decide if you’re spending too much time with him. Sometimes, you can’t do anything about it. If he does like you and follows you everywhere, you won’t be able to help that very much beyond hiding in the ladies’ restroom. :) However, if you do have control, try cutting down on the hours you spend with him. If you don’t have control, then talk to your parents and see if they can help.
-If necessary, avoid the places he is going. I do not necessarily recommend switching churches because of a guy, but I have heard of some people who have done that. I’m talking more about that dumb movie a group is going to see. You could go and hang out with him, or perhaps stay home and be productive getting homework done. If a crush is causing you to sin, then you need to take extreme measures to eradicate it.

“If your right hand makes you stumble, cut it off and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to go into hell.”
Matthew 5:30

Do you think that you spend too much time with your crush—either in person or over email/text/phone/etc? If so, what do you plan on changing? Any stories or thoughts? Share in the comments!

10 Tips for Beating a Crush: Tip 7

Anastasis Faith
7. Don’t Keep Initiating Things

We ladies should not be the one starting the relationship. Especially when we’re young and not ready for commitment, we need to chill and let the guy decide the pace—if the guy is interested. Either way, you need to get up and go do something with your single years instead of chasing after a guy.
If you are trying to get rid of your crush, you’re just going to take ten steps backward if you try to initiate or deepen a relationship or “friendship.” And if he tries to initiate something with you, you have to be willing to say no. An unhealthy relationship will hurt you so much.
If you’re trying to manage your crush, pursuing a guy above our pursuit of Christ is not helpful, neither is it right.
Another thing to keep in mind along this vein is to remember to not be too available. We’re not desperate starving puppies and we don’t need to act like it. You’re not going to get more guys by being more available. You may get more flirty attention, but it is often not from the guys that you want to marry.
Sisters, there was a time when the ladies were to be won. They were dignified, respected, and honored. Our culture is trying to tear this down and replace it with this idea that women are objects to be toyed with. We’re being taught that our value is in the external, not in our character, femininity, and relationship with Jesus. And we’re buying into this lie when we chase after guys.
When a godly young man starts pursuing you in a God-honoring way—being the initiator—and you are both old enough for commitment, it could be a sign that God is saying, “Now is the time.” But right now, God may be teaching you patience.
Waiting is hard, but in the long run, it will be so much more worth it than to desperately run after guys and be left empty. When we let them pursue us, quite a few of the not-so-awesome guys won’t bother you. If you send the message, “I’m not to be toyed with,” then the guys who only want to play with you will often leave you alone. 
If you’re trying to eradicate your crush, it’s going to hurt you a lot if you initiate things. I do think that there are some times when it’s fine if you’re trying to manage your crush, but I want to encourage you to be careful. Visit Phylicia's blog for more about pursuing a relationship intentionally. She has many resources on this topic, including a new book on singleness.
One thing that I want to clarify is that I don’t want to discourage you from texting a guy the day of his exam, job interview, etc, to tell him you’re praying for him or something like that. You need to evaluate your motives when you initiate something and discern whether you are just vying for attention or being a sister in Christ.

A note about guys: They need respect. They want to be the leaders and they want to be the ones initiating things. We let them become men when we let them initiate things with us. A girl who won’t let the guy lead can be intimidating and unnerving. By initiating things, we as girls tell guys that we don’t trust their guidance. Remember, guys want to be respected. We respect them by letting them lead.
Clarie has more to share on the different ways to initiate things.
Personally I am a little bit shy when it comes to guys, so when I though about initiating feeling when it comes to guys, I really didn’t think I had much of an issue. But then I realized that initiating feeling is a lot more than going up to a guy and going all middle school by saying that you like him. First and foremost, I struggle with mentally initiating relationships with guys. We will be talking for five minutes, and all of a sudden I have us married with children. This causes my actions, whether they be texting the said guy, or just making eye contact from across the room, then tend to be a byproduct of this thought process.
One thing that really helps is by focusing on why we do and say what we do. It often takes a very conscious thought that I am doing this in order to represent Christ well to keep me from mentally initiating a relationship. While it sometimes frustrates my close friends, I also try not to verbally talk about having a crush on someone, because it almost solidifies the fact, and serves to make the distraction a sure thing. Also, if my friends joke about me talking with the dude in question, I’m much more likely to get distracted from trying to have the right motives in the friendship.
Trying not to initiate a relationship, especially mentally and emotionally, can be a really difficult thing. When we simply try to remove our feelings, it’s so difficult! But if we can strive with the help of the Lord to change our motives to lifting up the Father, He supplies the strength to fulfill all our needs.

We need to wait patiently for God to bring the right guy into our lives at the right time. Waiting is hard, trust me—I know! Waiting temps us to look at the guys around us and ask the question, “Is it him?”
Whenever I’d get tired of waiting, I’d find myself praying to God, “Please just show me who it is, and then I can wait patiently for whenever the relationship will start.”
That’s not the right attitude. The right attitude is, “God, I don’t know the who, what, when, where, why, or how of my future relationship. But I know that I can trust You. Please always be my true satisfaction and fulfillment. Help me understand that You are all I need. Please be my all so that when it is time for a relationship, I will not look to him to satisfy me. Instead, help me view him as a fellow heir in the grace of life with whom I can grow closer to You.”

Practical Tips:
-Look at your life and see if you are initiating things. Are you the one pursuing the guy?
-Make a list of all the ways you’re being the initiator. It could be that you daydream about him, text him first, always finding ways to “accidentally” be seated next to him, etc.
-Find out what ways you’re stepping out of your boundaries. Ask yourself, “Am I hurting myself by doing this? Am I hurting him by doing this? Are my motives friendly or am I doing this for more attention? Is this something I should be doing?”
-Formulate boundaries for yourself. It could be, “I’m not going to email him again until he responds.Or it could be, “I’m not going to ask to meet him anywhere. He can ask me.” If you find yourself tempted to text too much, you may even set up a checklist of things to do before texting (like make your bed).
-Commit to obeying the boundaries. Even if it’s not fun, stick to your decisions.

“I waited patiently for the Lord;
and He inclined unto me, and heard my cry.”
Psalms 40:1

“The Lord is good to those who wait for Him,
To the person who seeks Him.
It is good that he waits silently
For the salvation of the Lord.”
Lamentations 3:25-26

“For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence,
for my hope is from Him.
He only is my rock and my salvation,
my fortress; I shall not be shaken.
On God rests my salvation and my glory;
my mighty rock, my refuge is God.”
Psalms 62:5-7

Do you think you’ve been initiating too much? What are some common ways we try to initiate things? What do you plan on doing differently now? Any stories or thoughts? Share in the comments!

10 Tips for Beating a Crush: Tip 6

Anastasis Faith
6.   Avoid things that cause you to think often of romance.

Check out my post, “5 Reasons I Avoid Romance Novels and Movies.” Whether it’s books, movies, music, the Internet, or whatever, run from things that cause you to stumble. Romance books and movies are usually the hardest things for me, which is why I decided to put them away.  Though I usually listen to Christian music, the times that I’ve listened to love songs have hurt me more than helped. They make me wish that I had a boyfriend and make me view guys as there to satisfy me.
That is a wrong thought. Guys are not on earth for us. Guys are not going to satisfy us, though much of today’s media will try to convince you of that. Only God can satisfy us. When we get caught up in romantic thoughts and daydreams, it’s super hard to focus on God and respect the guys around us as brothers. 

10 Tips for Beating a Crush Avoid Romantic Triggers
It is very helpful to just put aside the music, books, movies, certain blogs, etc. Whenever I focus on other people’s relationships and romance, it becomes easy for me to be discontent and want what they have.
This tip is closely tied to Tip 2: Don’t Daydream. How much time you spend consuming romantic media will directly affect how often you feel inclined to daydream.
There is a time and place for romance media. There are some romance novels and movies that do not bother me at all. The romance media that tend to be harmful to me are the ones that emphasize looks, physical touch, and feelings. Again, they are pushing the lie that if you snag a cute guy, you’re going to be happy. They’re trying to get you to believe that if you don’t have a super hot guy, you’re not going to be happy. For more on being satisfied in Christ instead of guys, read this post.
They also try to make us believe that the only way we can get a hot guy is to be a hot girl. This totally ramps up the insecurities in our lives. It can tempt us to dress or act immodestly to get attention. If you don't believe me that having a guy won't make your insecurities go away, read this post.
By consuming large amounts romantic media, we set ourselves up for failure in beating a crush. By putting these things aside, we tell God that we desire to pursue Him and that we don’t want to be distracted by the things of this world.
If you’re looking to eradicate your crush, this is extremely important. Getting rid of these influences will have far reaching benefits. If you’re trying to manage your crush, it can keep you from wanting to jump to the Next Step in the relationship, whatever that may be.
Again, I encourage you to read the post, “5 Reasons I Avoid Romance Novels and Movies,” for more on this topic.

Practical Tips:
            -Root out the problem. Whenever you find yourself slipping into more daydreams, a melancholy attitude, and losing the desire to work hard, ask yourself if you’ve been consuming romantic media.
            -Do research on the books and movies you want to read/watch beforehand. It’s better to not start a book that has too much romance than to have to put it aside halfway. Plugged In is my favorite resource for checking out movies before I see them.
            -Avoid secular music. Another hard one, but replacing breakup songs with songs that praise God is a huge step in beating a crush and eliminating distractions. On the days that I listen to worship music, I’ve found it’s a billion times easier to not get distracted.
            -As hard as it sounds, put away the stumbling blocks. It’s not easy to put aside a great novel, but if the romance is defiling you, then it’s necessary. I had to walk away from both a movie series and a novel that I was in the middle of because they were hurting me.

"So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart."
2 Timothy 2:22

Do not be deceived: "Bad company corrupts good morals."
1 Corinthians 15:33

But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh in regard to its lusts.
Romans 13:14

Do you consume lots of romantic media? When do you think it’s okay to do so, and when do you think that it’s harmful? Any stories? Share in the comments!

10 Tips for Beating a Crush: Tip 5

Anastasis Faith
            If you missed the first several posts in this series, I highly encourage you to go back and read them!
10 Tips for Beating a Crush Stay Busy

5. Stay busy

Stay busy, but not stressed! Check out the articles, “10 Tips for Reducing Stress: Part 1” and “10 Tips for Reducing Stress: Part 2.”  
Don’t give yourself a chance to slow down and get all emotional and romantic. Daydreaming, especially, is hard to fight if you’re bored! So go play with siblings, your dog, or whatever. Do something nice for your mom or dad. Clean your room. Write a guest blog post. :) Do homework. Write cards! Work on hobbies! The list is limitless.
Staying busy and building healthy habits of diligence will be very helpful in fighting a crush. However, be careful of getting too busy and spending less time with God. The idea is to spend plenty of time with God, but keep busy enough to not give yourself a chance to dwell on your crush.
God has blessed me with an extremely hard working family that will not tolerate laziness. From an early age, my parents have instilled in me the importance of diligence and I’m very thankful for that. Staying busy—especially with things like Morning Glory!—has always been an incredible help for me.
I would encourage you to get involved in your church, and other ministries. This is one of the best ways to stay focused on God, serve other people, and not get distracted by a crush. When you spend your time doing the Lord’s work, it gives you a perspective on your own struggles. The things we struggle with, like not getting any attention from our crush or having him not respond to a text, can seem so silly compared to people who are dealing with the loss of a loved one, a crisis pregnancy, or homelessness.
You will hear lots of talk here on Morning Glory about your ministry potential. What is ministry potential? It’s how much time, energy, and love you can pour into ministry. The girls who have the most ministry potential are the ones who are willing to spend much of their time and energy serving, but are also unhindered by other things. For instance, a girl pining away over her unrequited love isn’t going to have as much ministry potential as someone who has whole-heartedly accepted her singleness for the furthering of God’s kingdom.
God places us in seasons for a time and for a purpose. Do not waste your single season by pining away for a guy. God has a purpose and calling for you higher than daydreaming. 
Married women with families aren’t going to have the same type of ministry potential that a single girl will. Single girls often will have more time, flexibility, and energy to focus on serving at church or in a community.
God has given you these single years for you to go hard after Him. God has given you more time for ministry than you may ever have again. He’s given you all the resources you need to make a difference and to pursue Jesus with your whole heart.
Use these years that God has given you for ministry. You won’t regret it.  Staying busy with ministry will have many rewards:
·          You learn to take the focus off yourself and onto others.
·          You learn to put serving and obeying God first.
·          The guys you will attract will be the ones serious about their walk with Christ. These guys will be more drawn to your heart for God than your looks. These guys are the ones that will make godly husbands one day.
·          You don’t have time to daydream, pine away, and throw pity parties.
·          And you will develop so many more godly character traits.

Practical Tips for Staying Busy:
            -If you find that you have time to daydream, brainstorm ways you can get more involved in ministry.
            -Look for opportunities in your church to serve.  
        Do they need a preschool Sunday school teacher? More backup vocalists for the worship team? Someone to wipe down tables after fellowship time? Pinpoint a need and meet it. If you don’t have a church, then FIND ONE.
            -What are you passions/gifts/talents? 
        For me, I’m passionate about teen girls and I love to write—the result was Morning Glory. Figure out what you’re good at and what you love. Find your special ministry niche.
            -Remember that service starts at home.  
        Yeah, this isn’t going to be the most glamorous work, but it’s the work that will build your character and define you. You can serve your family in more ways than you can serve anything else. Service can mean keeping your room clean, loving your siblings, obeying with a cheerful heart, submission, humility, doing your chores, doing the dishes when no one is looking, etc. True humility serves even when it goes unnoticed.

“For we hear that some among you walk in idleness, not busy at work, but busybodies.”
2 Thessalonians 3:11

“And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.”
Galatians 6:9

“Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain.”
1 Corinthians 15:58

“Therefore, brothers, be all the more diligent to make your calling and election sure, for if you practice these qualities you will never fall.”
2 Peter 1:10

Do you find you have extra time every day? What are some ways you plan on getting more involved in ministry? What are things that you are already doing to stay busy? Thoughts or stories? Share in the comments!

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