Too Many Failures?

-By Sunny Bodenhamer

“He has not dealt with us according to our sins, nor rewarded us according to our iniquities.

For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is His lovingkindness toward those who fear Him.

As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.

Just as a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him.

For He Himself knows our frame; He is mindful that we are but dust.”

Psalm 103:10-14

I used to think that God didn’t really understand. I used to feel like I was a burden to Him. A pain. I would pray about something I was struggling with, for strength to overcome it and forgiveness for that sin, and then before I knew it, I was doing it again. Then I would realize it, and think to myself, “God must hate me. I’ve failed so many times, He must have given up on me by now.”

Every time those thoughts entered my mind, I could feel the chasm grow between my Heavenly Father and my heart.

I knew that He loves me unconditionally, and that I wasn’t going to lose my salvation just by messing up—I knew He’s not that kind of God—but that was only head knowledge. I came to realize that I didn’t really believe it in my heart, in my soul, deep down where it really counted. I’d grown up in a Christian home with wonderful parents who had taught me those things all my life, but that wasn’t enough. I needed to take hold of my faith as my own, not just something passed down to me by my parents.

Looking back, I remember imagining God holding each one of my failures over my head, looking down from above, just waiting for me to fail again because He couldn’t wait to punish me even bigger this time. I imagined Him saying to Himself, “Look at all this she’s already done, and there she goes again! She’s really going to get it this time!”

But friends, that is a lie straight from the pit that Satan had been feeding me, and I listened! I had been doubting my Savior, who loves me so much He died for me on that cross!

1 John 4:18 says, “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love.”

I was not perfected in His love. I didn’t understand it. I feared punishment, and while yes, it’s true that God is just, and there are consequences to our sin, it doesn’t bring God pleasure to punish us. In fact, it hurts Him to see us make wrong choices and to suffer the consequences. He wants us to succeed, just like any loving father would desire their child to succeed in life.

 “He has not dealt with us according to our sins, nor rewarded us according to our iniquities.

For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so GREAT is His LOVINGKINDNESS toward those who fear Him.

As far as the east is from the west, SO FAR has He REMOVED our transgressions from us.

Just as a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him.

For He Himself knows our frame; He is mindful that we are but dust.”

Psalm 103:10-14

(emphasis added)

Did you get that? Do you see it? He knows we’re human, and we’re going to fail and disappoint Him, but He has compassion on us, because we are His children, and He loves us no matter what. My eyes are tearing up right now, just writing this. I am so overwhelmed when I take time to be still, to remember all He has done for me and how much He loves me.

I can’t help but think of the Casting Crowns song “East to West”:

“In the arms of Your mercy I find rest, cause You know just how far the east is from the west: from one scarred hand to the other…”

So remember today, you are loved more than you will ever know, no matter how many times you fail, no matter what you’ve done, don’t be afraid to come before the Lord again, and ask for forgiveness and a fresh start.

“He will cover you with His pinions, and under His wings you may seek refuge; His faithfulness is a shield and a bulwark.”

Psalm 91:4

“The steps of a man are established by the Lord, and he delights in his way. When he falls, he will not be hurled headlong, because the Lord is the One who holds his hand.”

Psalm 37:23-24

(emphasis added)

Notice this verse says “when he falls,” not “if he falls.” He knows we aren’t perfect and He knows we never will be until we see Him face to face in heaven one day. He understands. He delights in you. You are His beloved child. Rest in Him; believe these truths. Don’t ever doubt His love, as Satan wants. He is holding your hand every step of the way. Believe that in your heart, not just your head. This is so important. The more you doubt and allow Satan’s lies to get in your head, the farther it will drive you away from your Heavenly Father, and that is the worst place to be.

“You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. I will be found by you,’ declares the Lord…”

Jeremiah 29:13-14a

Seek Him with all your heart and you will find Him. He wants to help you. Maybe it’s time you let Him, by believing He loves you unconditionally.

Sunny Bodenhamer is a Christian, homeschooled girl learning to be a light in this crazy, amazing life we’ve been given, reach for the stars, and believe that anything is possible through Jesus Christ. She believes that every day is a miracle full of second chances and beauty, if we stop and take the time to see it. She loves to write, crochet, drink coffee, and hopes to inspire and encourage through the written word.

Have you ever felt overwhelmed by your failures? What has God taught you through those times? Any stories or thoughts? Share in the comments!