5 Reasons I Don't Flirt: Part 1

For the purpose of this blog post, the context of “flirting” will be between people who are not in a relationship with each other.

When I was around eleven years old, I decided that I would never flirt.

Boy, my little eleven-year-old self didn’t understand all the consequences of a decision like that.

At first, I was very pleased with myself and my decision. I looked down on all the flirty girls and held myself high up on a pedestal.

That lasted for a few years…until I started noticing something.

I watched a friend flirt with a guy. And guess what happened? He flirted back.

I was stunned.

I’d always believed the honorable girl would be noticed for her character. But then, before my eyes, I watched as all the guys flocked to the flirty girls. No one stayed behind to talk to me.

Over and over again, I watched my flirty friends get all the guy attention while meanwhile, I sat over in the corner with one of my girl buddies. I realized that no one was noticing me.

This went on for years.

I have to admit—I struggled a lot with my decision. I was frustrated that all the guys were so shallow as to be taken in by flirting. I was frustrated that I could never have a serious conversation with any guys without a girl running up and flirting with him.

Day in and day out, I asked, “Does anybody notice that I’m trying to honor God? Does anybody even care? Are there any guys who are looking for character—or do they all just want to have fun? Is this worth it?”

Was it truly worth it to not flirt? Would anyone ever notice me? Would I end up an old spinster?

These questions plagued my thirteen and fourteen-year-old mind and heart.

Thankfully, God gave me the strength to stick to my commitment. Several older, godly girls helped me through that time, encouraging me to act above reproach even when it wasn’t fun.

Now, I’ve started reaping some of the benefits of that decision, and I’m so happy with my choice.

So why don’t I flirt? Here are the first two reasons that I’ve stuck with my decision. The next three will be coming next week! :)

1. I lose respect.

…with the guys

When you flirt, guys see you more as something to “have fun” with. They don’t see you as someone to have a serious conversation with or as someone they could ask for prayer from.

You come across as desperate. Guys like confidence, not desperation.

As I get older, I see that there are guys who see flirting as immature and pointless and those guys do not respect the flirts.

…with the girls

You know what turns my sister off to a girl more than anything else? When she’s flirty. A flirty girl vies for all the guys’ attention and makes it difficult for the others to have a good friendship.

Flirty girls are viewed by other girls as competition, not friends. They are not trusted or appreciated the way that girls who don’t flirt are.

…with adults

My parents both immediately have more respect for non-flirty girls than the flirty ones. I think the same is true for most—if not all—adults.

Flirty girls come across as not very intellectual (even if they are), often foolish, and desperate. They seem silly. Very few people want to take them seriously.

2. I don’t love, honor, and respect the guys around me as my brothers in Christ.

When you’re flirting with a guy, are you trying to build him up in the Lord? No! You’re trying to take from him. You’re trying to steal from him things that don’t belong to you—his attention, his affection, even his heart. Is that loving him as a brother in Christ?

You don’t show a guy that you respect him by flirting with him, do you? I would even dare to say that most of the time, you’re disrespecting him.

Are you honoring him as a leader who will one day have a family to guide? No. You’re pretending that his future wife isn’t important at all—that it doesn’t matter if you toy with her future husband now. That’s not honoring him, and it’s defrauding his future wife.

What’s more, you don’t bring out the best in guys. More than often, you’re bringing out his flaws when you get him to flirt back to you. You’re not building him up. You’re tearing him down.

 These are just a couple of the reasons I decided not to flirt. Check back next week for the rest of my reasons!

What is your position on flirting? If you don't flirt, why not? If you were giving advice to someone who struggled in this area, what would you say? Share in the comments!

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