10 Tips for Beating a Crush: Tip 7

Anastasis Faith
7. Don’t Keep Initiating Things

We ladies should not be the one starting the relationship. Especially when we’re young and not ready for commitment, we need to chill and let the guy decide the pace—if the guy is interested. Either way, you need to get up and go do something with your single years instead of chasing after a guy.
If you are trying to get rid of your crush, you’re just going to take ten steps backward if you try to initiate or deepen a relationship or “friendship.” And if he tries to initiate something with you, you have to be willing to say no. An unhealthy relationship will hurt you so much.
If you’re trying to manage your crush, pursuing a guy above our pursuit of Christ is not helpful, neither is it right.
Another thing to keep in mind along this vein is to remember to not be too available. We’re not desperate starving puppies and we don’t need to act like it. You’re not going to get more guys by being more available. You may get more flirty attention, but it is often not from the guys that you want to marry.
Sisters, there was a time when the ladies were to be won. They were dignified, respected, and honored. Our culture is trying to tear this down and replace it with this idea that women are objects to be toyed with. We’re being taught that our value is in the external, not in our character, femininity, and relationship with Jesus. And we’re buying into this lie when we chase after guys.
When a godly young man starts pursuing you in a God-honoring way—being the initiator—and you are both old enough for commitment, it could be a sign that God is saying, “Now is the time.” But right now, God may be teaching you patience.
Waiting is hard, but in the long run, it will be so much more worth it than to desperately run after guys and be left empty. When we let them pursue us, quite a few of the not-so-awesome guys won’t bother you. If you send the message, “I’m not to be toyed with,” then the guys who only want to play with you will often leave you alone. 
If you’re trying to eradicate your crush, it’s going to hurt you a lot if you initiate things. I do think that there are some times when it’s fine if you’re trying to manage your crush, but I want to encourage you to be careful. Visit Phylicia's blog for more about pursuing a relationship intentionally. She has many resources on this topic, including a new book on singleness.
One thing that I want to clarify is that I don’t want to discourage you from texting a guy the day of his exam, job interview, etc, to tell him you’re praying for him or something like that. You need to evaluate your motives when you initiate something and discern whether you are just vying for attention or being a sister in Christ.

A note about guys: They need respect. They want to be the leaders and they want to be the ones initiating things. We let them become men when we let them initiate things with us. A girl who won’t let the guy lead can be intimidating and unnerving. By initiating things, we as girls tell guys that we don’t trust their guidance. Remember, guys want to be respected. We respect them by letting them lead.
Clarie has more to share on the different ways to initiate things.
Personally I am a little bit shy when it comes to guys, so when I though about initiating feeling when it comes to guys, I really didn’t think I had much of an issue. But then I realized that initiating feeling is a lot more than going up to a guy and going all middle school by saying that you like him. First and foremost, I struggle with mentally initiating relationships with guys. We will be talking for five minutes, and all of a sudden I have us married with children. This causes my actions, whether they be texting the said guy, or just making eye contact from across the room, then tend to be a byproduct of this thought process.
One thing that really helps is by focusing on why we do and say what we do. It often takes a very conscious thought that I am doing this in order to represent Christ well to keep me from mentally initiating a relationship. While it sometimes frustrates my close friends, I also try not to verbally talk about having a crush on someone, because it almost solidifies the fact, and serves to make the distraction a sure thing. Also, if my friends joke about me talking with the dude in question, I’m much more likely to get distracted from trying to have the right motives in the friendship.
Trying not to initiate a relationship, especially mentally and emotionally, can be a really difficult thing. When we simply try to remove our feelings, it’s so difficult! But if we can strive with the help of the Lord to change our motives to lifting up the Father, He supplies the strength to fulfill all our needs.

We need to wait patiently for God to bring the right guy into our lives at the right time. Waiting is hard, trust me—I know! Waiting temps us to look at the guys around us and ask the question, “Is it him?”
Whenever I’d get tired of waiting, I’d find myself praying to God, “Please just show me who it is, and then I can wait patiently for whenever the relationship will start.”
That’s not the right attitude. The right attitude is, “God, I don’t know the who, what, when, where, why, or how of my future relationship. But I know that I can trust You. Please always be my true satisfaction and fulfillment. Help me understand that You are all I need. Please be my all so that when it is time for a relationship, I will not look to him to satisfy me. Instead, help me view him as a fellow heir in the grace of life with whom I can grow closer to You.”

Practical Tips:
-Look at your life and see if you are initiating things. Are you the one pursuing the guy?
-Make a list of all the ways you’re being the initiator. It could be that you daydream about him, text him first, always finding ways to “accidentally” be seated next to him, etc.
-Find out what ways you’re stepping out of your boundaries. Ask yourself, “Am I hurting myself by doing this? Am I hurting him by doing this? Are my motives friendly or am I doing this for more attention? Is this something I should be doing?”
-Formulate boundaries for yourself. It could be, “I’m not going to email him again until he responds.Or it could be, “I’m not going to ask to meet him anywhere. He can ask me.” If you find yourself tempted to text too much, you may even set up a checklist of things to do before texting (like make your bed).
-Commit to obeying the boundaries. Even if it’s not fun, stick to your decisions.

“I waited patiently for the Lord;
and He inclined unto me, and heard my cry.”
Psalms 40:1

“The Lord is good to those who wait for Him,
To the person who seeks Him.
It is good that he waits silently
For the salvation of the Lord.”
Lamentations 3:25-26

“For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence,
for my hope is from Him.
He only is my rock and my salvation,
my fortress; I shall not be shaken.
On God rests my salvation and my glory;
my mighty rock, my refuge is God.”
Psalms 62:5-7

Do you think you’ve been initiating too much? What are some common ways we try to initiate things? What do you plan on doing differently now? Any stories or thoughts? Share in the comments!

10 Tips for Beating a Crush: Tip 6

Anastasis Faith
6.   Avoid things that cause you to think often of romance.

Check out my post, “5 Reasons I Avoid Romance Novels and Movies.” Whether it’s books, movies, music, the Internet, or whatever, run from things that cause you to stumble. Romance books and movies are usually the hardest things for me, which is why I decided to put them away.  Though I usually listen to Christian music, the times that I’ve listened to love songs have hurt me more than helped. They make me wish that I had a boyfriend and make me view guys as there to satisfy me.
That is a wrong thought. Guys are not on earth for us. Guys are not going to satisfy us, though much of today’s media will try to convince you of that. Only God can satisfy us. When we get caught up in romantic thoughts and daydreams, it’s super hard to focus on God and respect the guys around us as brothers. 


10 Tips for Beating a Crush Avoid Romantic Triggers
It is very helpful to just put aside the music, books, movies, certain blogs, etc. Whenever I focus on other people’s relationships and romance, it becomes easy for me to be discontent and want what they have.
This tip is closely tied to Tip 2: Don’t Daydream. How much time you spend consuming romantic media will directly affect how often you feel inclined to daydream.
There is a time and place for romance media. There are some romance novels and movies that do not bother me at all. The romance media that tend to be harmful to me are the ones that emphasize looks, physical touch, and feelings. Again, they are pushing the lie that if you snag a cute guy, you’re going to be happy. They’re trying to get you to believe that if you don’t have a super hot guy, you’re not going to be happy. For more on being satisfied in Christ instead of guys, read this post.
They also try to make us believe that the only way we can get a hot guy is to be a hot girl. This totally ramps up the insecurities in our lives. It can tempt us to dress or act immodestly to get attention. If you don't believe me that having a guy won't make your insecurities go away, read this post.
By consuming large amounts romantic media, we set ourselves up for failure in beating a crush. By putting these things aside, we tell God that we desire to pursue Him and that we don’t want to be distracted by the things of this world.
If you’re looking to eradicate your crush, this is extremely important. Getting rid of these influences will have far reaching benefits. If you’re trying to manage your crush, it can keep you from wanting to jump to the Next Step in the relationship, whatever that may be.
Again, I encourage you to read the post, “5 Reasons I Avoid Romance Novels and Movies,” for more on this topic.

Practical Tips:
            -Root out the problem. Whenever you find yourself slipping into more daydreams, a melancholy attitude, and losing the desire to work hard, ask yourself if you’ve been consuming romantic media.
            -Do research on the books and movies you want to read/watch beforehand. It’s better to not start a book that has too much romance than to have to put it aside halfway. Plugged In is my favorite resource for checking out movies before I see them.
            -Avoid secular music. Another hard one, but replacing breakup songs with songs that praise God is a huge step in beating a crush and eliminating distractions. On the days that I listen to worship music, I’ve found it’s a billion times easier to not get distracted.
            -As hard as it sounds, put away the stumbling blocks. It’s not easy to put aside a great novel, but if the romance is defiling you, then it’s necessary. I had to walk away from both a movie series and a novel that I was in the middle of because they were hurting me.

"So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart."
2 Timothy 2:22

Do not be deceived: "Bad company corrupts good morals."
1 Corinthians 15:33

But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh in regard to its lusts.
Romans 13:14

Do you consume lots of romantic media? When do you think it’s okay to do so, and when do you think that it’s harmful? Any stories? Share in the comments!

10 Tips for Beating a Crush: Tip 5

Anastasis Faith
            If you missed the first several posts in this series, I highly encourage you to go back and read them!
10 Tips for Beating a Crush Stay Busy

5. Stay busy

Stay busy, but not stressed! Check out the articles, “10 Tips for Reducing Stress: Part 1” and “10 Tips for Reducing Stress: Part 2.”  
Don’t give yourself a chance to slow down and get all emotional and romantic. Daydreaming, especially, is hard to fight if you’re bored! So go play with siblings, your dog, or whatever. Do something nice for your mom or dad. Clean your room. Write a guest blog post. :) Do homework. Write cards! Work on hobbies! The list is limitless.
Staying busy and building healthy habits of diligence will be very helpful in fighting a crush. However, be careful of getting too busy and spending less time with God. The idea is to spend plenty of time with God, but keep busy enough to not give yourself a chance to dwell on your crush.
God has blessed me with an extremely hard working family that will not tolerate laziness. From an early age, my parents have instilled in me the importance of diligence and I’m very thankful for that. Staying busy—especially with things like Morning Glory!—has always been an incredible help for me.
I would encourage you to get involved in your church, and other ministries. This is one of the best ways to stay focused on God, serve other people, and not get distracted by a crush. When you spend your time doing the Lord’s work, it gives you a perspective on your own struggles. The things we struggle with, like not getting any attention from our crush or having him not respond to a text, can seem so silly compared to people who are dealing with the loss of a loved one, a crisis pregnancy, or homelessness.
You will hear lots of talk here on Morning Glory about your ministry potential. What is ministry potential? It’s how much time, energy, and love you can pour into ministry. The girls who have the most ministry potential are the ones who are willing to spend much of their time and energy serving, but are also unhindered by other things. For instance, a girl pining away over her unrequited love isn’t going to have as much ministry potential as someone who has whole-heartedly accepted her singleness for the furthering of God’s kingdom.
God places us in seasons for a time and for a purpose. Do not waste your single season by pining away for a guy. God has a purpose and calling for you higher than daydreaming. 
Married women with families aren’t going to have the same type of ministry potential that a single girl will. Single girls often will have more time, flexibility, and energy to focus on serving at church or in a community.
God has given you these single years for you to go hard after Him. God has given you more time for ministry than you may ever have again. He’s given you all the resources you need to make a difference and to pursue Jesus with your whole heart.
Use these years that God has given you for ministry. You won’t regret it.  Staying busy with ministry will have many rewards:
·          You learn to take the focus off yourself and onto others.
·          You learn to put serving and obeying God first.
·          The guys you will attract will be the ones serious about their walk with Christ. These guys will be more drawn to your heart for God than your looks. These guys are the ones that will make godly husbands one day.
·          You don’t have time to daydream, pine away, and throw pity parties.
·          And you will develop so many more godly character traits.

Practical Tips for Staying Busy:
            -If you find that you have time to daydream, brainstorm ways you can get more involved in ministry.
            -Look for opportunities in your church to serve.  
        Do they need a preschool Sunday school teacher? More backup vocalists for the worship team? Someone to wipe down tables after fellowship time? Pinpoint a need and meet it. If you don’t have a church, then FIND ONE.
            -What are you passions/gifts/talents? 
        For me, I’m passionate about teen girls and I love to write—the result was Morning Glory. Figure out what you’re good at and what you love. Find your special ministry niche.
            -Remember that service starts at home.  
        Yeah, this isn’t going to be the most glamorous work, but it’s the work that will build your character and define you. You can serve your family in more ways than you can serve anything else. Service can mean keeping your room clean, loving your siblings, obeying with a cheerful heart, submission, humility, doing your chores, doing the dishes when no one is looking, etc. True humility serves even when it goes unnoticed.

“For we hear that some among you walk in idleness, not busy at work, but busybodies.”
2 Thessalonians 3:11

“And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.”
Galatians 6:9

“Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain.”
1 Corinthians 15:58

“Therefore, brothers, be all the more diligent to make your calling and election sure, for if you practice these qualities you will never fall.”
2 Peter 1:10


Do you find you have extra time every day? What are some ways you plan on getting more involved in ministry? What are things that you are already doing to stay busy? Thoughts or stories? Share in the comments!

10 Tips for Beating a Crush: Tip 4

Anastasis Faith
4.   Spend time with God.

Read your Bible every day. No buts. No excuses. It’s hard, and sometimes it’s not that interesting. But developing a healthy habit of reading your Bible every day will affect you more than you understand.
When you spend time with God, you tell Him that He’s important in your life. When you start off the day by spending time with Him, you tell Him that He’s the first priority in your life. By shrugging off reading the Bible, you tell Him that He isn’t important in your life. 

10 Tips for Beating a Crush Spend Time with God

Years ago, when I started reading the Bible daily, it was a chore. Now, it’s my joy. I can’t go a day without reading it—and some days it’s hard for me to tear myself away. The passages that used to seem boring to me are now coming alive with things I never noticed about God. His character and His love for us comes through in every single page. It is crucial that you make time every day to be with God and to be in His Word. Yes, there will be dry seasons, but God never changes and He is always the same. Cling to those promises during dry times.

“Your word is a lamp to my feet
And a light to my path.”
Psalm 119:105

“But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”
Matthew 6:33

Also, pray a lot. Spend time every day praying for others, as well as yourself. Stay in touch with God. Thank Him throughout the day for the things He’s done for you. Even though God already knows everything about you, pray to Him like He doesn’t know anything. Lay everything out before Him. Don’t hide anything. And then learn to rely on His comfort.
Another great resource during a time like this is our devotional ebook, 30 Days of Surrender. Of course, one of the days is Surrender Love and I think we all must learn better how to surrender our heart's affections to Christ.

“This is the confidence which we have before Him, that, if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us.  And if we know that He hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests which we have asked from Him.”
1 John 5:14-15

“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin.  Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.”
Hebrews 4:15-16

Finally, memorize Scripture. I used to be like, “Memorize Scripture? What? Too much work. Besides, I can just Google any verse that I want!” But now I’m discovering how important the verses I’ve memorized are to me. Verses and song lyrics are some of the most helpful things when I’m fighting temptation, such as daydreams. Check out this article addressing the importance of Scripture memory and this article with practical tips.

“Your word I have treasured in my heart,
That I may not sin against You.”
Psalm 119:11

Taylor says this:
This past year God has showed me that being in His Word, and praying to Him about everything that is going on, and asking Him to help me with my busy schedule helped so much. I started spending more time getting to know God better, which caused me to know that He controls my life. This made me realize that I have stopped thinking about the guys I had "picked" out.
Start spending time with God on a regular basis and He will help you think of so many more edifying things.

This tip is not an option—it’s a must. And it’s not different if you’ve got a good or bad crush. Whether you like an unbeliever or a strong Christian doesn’t change the fact that you must spend time with God.


Spending time with God will affect every area of your life. You will find yourself more cheerful, diligent, and confident, to name a few. It will be easier to fight sin and daydreams. God promises that He will make our paths straight when we rely on His Word. Not convinced? Read this post about why you ought to spend time with God every day.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart
And do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He will make your paths straight.”
Proverbs 3:5-6

Practical Tips for Building a Quiet Time Every Day:
-Don’t view it as an option. It’s a must.
-Get a Bible reading plan. You can make it or buy one, like the MacArthur Daily Bible.  When I first started reading the Bible every day, I would just choose a book of the Bible and read through it, a chapter a day. Then I used the MacArthur Daily Bible for two years. Now I’m going through a reading program with my church. Any year-long plan is going to have quite a bit of Scripture to read every day. It might be easier for you to start with something lighter. 
-Set aside a specific time every day. It could be right when you wake up, right before you go to bed, after lunch…etc. Whatever works for you. Just make sure that it’s a long enough time allotment that works every day.
-Have a friend/mentor/family member keep you accountable.
-Read your Bible first. By this, I mean that if you have a great novel or school to read, then read your Bible first. So many times, I’ve stayed up reading other things, looked at the clock and realized it was past midnight. And then I was too tired to read my Bible, or I just let my eyes skim over the page. Put your Bible first.
-Pencils, pens, markers, note cards, and notebooks. 
This is something that I have always done with my Bible reading. I underline verses that I love, and the verses that I really love, I write down on note cards and tape them to my wall. These are the verses I memorize. This is a great way to stay more engaged, interested, and actually glean something out of your reading. Writing down prayers in a notebook can help you stay focused and organize your thoughts.
-Read small enough chunks in your Bible to get something out of it.  
If you’re just starting to read your Bible, it might be easier for you to read a chapter a day and then try to build that up, over time, to 4 or 5.
-Grow your quiet time. 
If you can go longer, then go longer. Don’t just stop at thirty minutes if you could work your way up to an hour. The more time you spend with God, the more you grow, and the more emphatically you’re telling Him that He is first place in your life.  
-Read Women of the Word by Jenn Wilkin to learn how to study the Bible. Read our review of it here.



Has spending time with God been a low or high priority in your life? If low, what do plan on doing to change that? If high, what have you learned from it? Thoughts or stories? Share in the comments!

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