Can I Have a Guy Best Friend? | The Pros and Cons

         A few years ago, my response to this question would have been an emphatic, “NO!” But now I realize that was a hasty response for me. There are a lot of factors in this discussion—and I think it’s a discussion worth having.

          Should you have a guy best friend? Is that okay?

          I’m not going to tell you one way or the other. That is for you and your family to decide. These pros and cons are here for you to think about it and discuss it with your family.

          What are the pros and cons of a guy best friend?

Pros

          -You get to see life from a different perspective. I’ve learned so much about God from the different perspectives of the guys around me.

          -It’s FAR less complicated typically(unless you make it complicated). If you take what they say at face value, you will be surprised at how refreshing and comparatively “simple” your friendship can be.

          -You get to let off on the comparison and competition. You don’t have to worry about that with guys.

          -If you’re good friends with a godly guy you can trust, you can feel safe and secure that he will come to your aid if you’re ever in a dangerous situation.

          -You learn how to get to know a guy in preparation for marriage. Maybe your “friendship” with a guy is more like a friendship on steroids or “friend-lationship.” You could be getting to know the guy to see if he might be “the one.” But if he’s not, you’ve had experience becoming good friends with a guy.

Cons

          -If you get too close, you could get hurt easily if you had feelings for him, or even if you didn’t and he got a girlfriend.

          -It can be dangerous to get close to guys you have no intention of dating. You may lead them on and hurt them, or you may be setting yourself up for unfaithfulness if you maintain this friendship into your marriage to someone else. This may not be a concern in some circumstances, but the regular practice of it throughout your life definitely is a concern.

          -You may use him as a security blanket instead of God.

          -It gets hard to guard your heart.

          -You may be encouraging yourself to be boy-crazy.

          -You may neglect your friendship with other girls.

          -You may be dragged into a private friendship via texting or email that could be dangerous.

          -It might not look above reproach.

          Having a guy best friend may be fine. However, there are many, many cautions I have and I would urge you to consider it carefully. I would not encourage close friendships with guys until you’re in the dating age-range, and I would definitely counsel you to talk it over with your family.

          There are definitely exceptions to all of this, but these are some general guidelines and principles to think about when making this decision for yourself.

What are your thoughts on this issue? For you, do you think it’s okay to have a close guy friend? If you could add another pro or con, what would you add? Share in the comments!

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6 Red Flags You're Obsessed with Your Crush

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When I was younger, I did not understand the balance of having a crush and living life in pursuit of Christ. My first crush was a complete disaster to my life because it took over my emotions, my mind, my energy, and my time. When I saw him, I floated. When I was at home, I was a wreck.

I was obsessed.

I remember finally getting to a point where I was like, “I cannot live like this. I need to beat this crush. It cannot rule my life.”

The feelings of affection for someone honorable and God-fearing who you could actually see yourself spending your life with are one thing. The obsession and idolization of a guy is another completely different ball game.

How do you know when you’re obsessed with your crush?

1.     You daydream

Don’t deny that when you like someone, you daydream. Which is normal and natural. But you need to be careful of conjuring up sinful fantasies, or making up your perfect guy. Or taking the guy you like and making him into something he isn’t! Daydreaming can QUICKLY get out of hand, and if you find yourself constantly daydreaming, that’s a big red flag that you’re obsessed with your crush.

2.     You aren’t as interested in reading your Bible. You talk to an imaginary guy instead of God, etc.

This is really bad. If a guy takes the place of God in your life, then he’s becoming an idol, and that is sinful. A guy cannot replace God. Because he’s human! The only way we can truly love and enjoy a guy is to first love and enjoy Christ. If our needs are not met in Jesus, then we will become a needy parasite that he will want to get away from.

3.     You don’t work as hard

Your work ethic goes ZAP! Instead of doing school or working, you are sitting there chewing on your pencil imagining him rescuing you from a terrifying situation. If you cannot get anything done in a day because you’re thinking about your crush, then that is a sign that you are obsessed with him.

4.     Your joy is dependent on whether or not he shows up, responds to your text message…etc.

You’re kind of dumpy at home. Instead of finding a deeply rooted sense of joy in the person and reality of Christ, your happiness is as shallow as whether or not he smiles at you.

5.     You view your girl friends as competition

Your best friends become rivals. Your crush cannot talk and joke with another girl without you getting envious of them, and angry at him at “not being faithful,” even if you have no right to him.

6.     You look to him to meet your needs

You need his smile to be happy. You need his attention to feel worth and value. You need him to like you in order to have an identity.

If you do any of these things, it might be a sign that your crush has become too high of a priority in your life. All of these are extremely dangerous. We cannot find our joy, identity, and worth in another human being. Those are needs that only Christ can need. If you want to love your future husband, you need to first have your needs met in Christ so that you can pour into him. A guy will always fail you, even if he’s the most incredibly godly person on the planet. And you will be a drain on him if you expect him to meet your needs.

Have you ever been obsessed with your crush? What are other signs that you are obsessed with your crush? What tips do you have for solving this problem? Share in the comments!

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Summer Goals!

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For many of us, school is over. Behind us—gone. We’re facing an exciting summer. Some of us have crazy amazing plans; some of us are looking forward to some down time.

Either way, most of us will have more time now that we are not studying constantly. It is so easy to let that time slip away from you. The last thing you want is, at the end of the summer, looking back and realizing you accomplished nothing.

Don’t let your summer become a waste, drowned in frivolous things like social media.

What is something to keep us motivated throughout the summer?

How about a list of goals?

I’m making my list of summer goals.

Here are some example goals for you:

1.      Read my Bible every day

2.      Read (insert number here) of books this summer

3.      Take a couple of my friends out for coffee periodically

4.      Spend more time with my siblings

5.      Get (insert project here) done

6.      Clean my room and keep it clean

7.      Etc.

They don’t have to be complicated goals. You can work on establishing good habits, getting something done, or investing more time in people—or all of the above.

Don’t let the summer slip through your grasp. Take hold of it—seize it—and get all its worth out of it. Each year in your life will go by faster and will get busier. You don’t want to miss what you can accomplish this summer!

What are your summer goals? Any exciting vacations happening? Share in the comments!

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Tearing Down the Walls

-By Sunny Bodenhamer

“Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful; and let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds, not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more as you see the day drawing near."
Hebrews 10:23-25

“Therefore encourage one another and build up one another, just as you also are doing.”
1 Thessalonians 5:11

I was spending time with a dear friend recently and it was a time of tears, joy, shared fears, and pouring out our hearts to each other in raw honesty. That conversation left me in awe of our great God’s grace, power, and overwhelming love, as I pumped my fist toward the sky saying, “Yay God!” with the hugest grin on my face. But it also made me think. Our souls can’t help but be thirsty in this desert of a world, so parched and starved of godly rain. The world pours in at a constant rate and if we’re not careful, it will drown us.

Most times it’s just so much easier to lock away all the hurt, pain, and problems we face…to stuff them down deep and cover them up with that fake smile. Way easier. It’s hard to face them again and go through the exhausting roller coaster of emotions that comes along with that, but I ask you—how else can we heal? How else can we let go of that sorrow if we keep hoarding it away in the recesses of our soul until we are so crammed full we explode?

I want to ask you something else as well. I know pain is never fun and heartache seems unbearable. I know it often feels as if God doesn’t care or has abandoned you, but what if everything you’ve gone through—every bruise, ache, and failure—has been for a very special purpose? What if those things are the very things that make you who you are, with a completely unique view of the world? And what if you shared who you really are inside? What if the person you shared it with was hurting deeply, but too afraid to share it, wondering if anyone in the entire world could understand? Then, what if that completely unique view allowed you to understand that person’s pain like no one else can?

It’s hard to open up and expose the real you, that bruised and scarred heart, because it means being vulnerable to someone who could hurt you…again. I get it. But we need that more than we know. We can’t keep stifling our pain, lying to ourselves and others that we’re okay. The truth is, most likely the person you think would never understand because they’re way too perfect all the time is the very person who would shed tears of joy just to know there’s someone who understands the pain they too have been hiding behind their own smile.

We need each other. We are sisters in Christ, and we need to bond together and tear down this foolish wall of lies that we’re doing fine all by ourselves.

Life is beautiful, but life is also hard. The only way we can make it through is by the grace of God and the support of others. Don’t try to go through it alone. Don’t tell yourself to tough it out. That’s how people slip into despair and give up all hope.

I’ll say it again—we need each other. You would be amazed at how people respond when you simply let down your guard and are real. It’s like a breath of fresh air. If they see you have the courage to show the raw edges of your soul, it gives them hope that maybe, just maybe, they could do the same. The Lord will use you and shine through you if you tear down the wall that’s smothering His light. He created you for a beautiful purpose and takes the ashes of our lives to creates a masterpiece, if we allow Him.

If we don’t pour God’s word into our thirsty souls and surround ourselves with godly people and friendships, the world will drown us and suffocate our light. However, friendships will never deepen unless we invest in them. People can sense when you’re not being real, and if we box ourselves in, we shut others out too.

Don’t be afraid to show who you are. You might be surprised at how many people can relate and will let out a sigh of relief just to know they’re not alone. Sure there might be some who don’t understand you, but isn’t it worth it if there’s even a handful of people you have a chance to encourage and lift up in so many ways?

Who knows, yours words of, “I’ve been there and it’s hard, but you’re going to make it through. God will give you strength and He will never fail you. He has a plan for your life,” may be the one thing the Lord uses to keep that person going when they feel like giving up.

We are broken people desperately longing for hope. Just by being the love and the light of the Lord through your honesty, you could change someone’s life. The Lord may use you to be or to speak His life-giving hope to a hurting heart. Will you be willing to let Him? You never know, maybe that sweet fellowship with a  fellow believer that comes along with opening your heart and exposing your soul could be the very thing that will heal you as well.

Keep pressing on, friend, through the power of Christ’s love and the hope we have in Him. You are beautiful and perfect in your Heavenly Father’s eyes because of the sacrifice of His Son, no matter the scars adorning your heart.

Sunny Bodenhamer is a Christian, homeschooled girl learning to be a light in this crazy, amazing life we’ve been given, reach for the stars, and believe that anything is possible through Jesus Christ. She believes that every day is a miracle full of second chances and beauty, if we stop and take the time to see it. She loves to write, crochet, drink coffee, and hopes to inspire and encourage through the written word.

Have you ever seen God use hurt in your life to heal others? Do you have a hard time opening up to others? Thoughts or stories? Share in the comments!

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5 Tips to Seeing God as Your Friend

--By Audra Salmans

“No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I heard from My Father I have made known to you.”

John 15:15

I don't know about y'all, but I have a hard time thinking of God as my friend. There's just something about me referring the Creator of Heaven and Earth, the King of Kings and Lord of Lords, as my friend that I just can't wrap my mind around. But it says right here in John that He wants to be our friend. Here are five strategies I've used to help me know God as Master and Friend. 

1. Talk to Him

Whenever something happens to me, even if it's not something particularly exciting, I am normally dying to tell my best friend. Talk to Him about more than just your problems. Bring it all to Him because He wants to know! Tell Him the funny stories, the aggravating moments, the things you can't wait to do tomorrow! Tell God everything you would tell your friends. He cares about us and He loves to hear us talk! 

2. Listen to Him

Just like when you tell your friend all your woes and she gives you all the advice she can, God not only listens, but He responds. His Spirit is always with believers, guiding, reminding, prompting, and illuminating. He is sufficient for every situation, like when that one kid is pestering you in class, or that new girl that would love to hang out with you at school. Sometimes we forget that He wants to answer our prayers!

3. DO with Him

Do you have certain things that you ALWAYS do with your friend? Maybe you take walks around your neighborhood, maybe you skip rocks at a pond, maybe you listen to music in a certain place that no one else knows about. God wants to DO with you. I want to laugh more with God. That's pretty much the thing I love most about my best friend: she can make me laugh when I think I'd rather mope. If I can laugh with her I can laugh with my Heavenly Father! After all, He knows all my funny stories and embarrassing moments even better than she does! Set aside a certain time to DO with Him. Go on a walk with God and laugh like it's just the two of you! :)

4. Read the Word

When you see a text from your best friend, what do you do? Open it like it will evaporate if you don't read it fast, or leave it and promise yourself you'll get to it later? Of course you read it! We can think of Bible verses in the same way. He wrote the Scriptures for you—are you going to leave them there to read later? He may have something very important to tell you right at that moment. When you feel down He may remind you of Lamentations 3:22-23; when you feel alone He has given you Hebrews 13:5; and when you just don't know where to turn anymore, He wrote Psalm 46:10. He has sent us these verses knowing that we will need them. Use the tools He has given us. 

5. Strive to Become Like Him

The only way you can be best friends with anyone is if you share common interests. God's ways are entirely holy and good. We need to become more like Him, and loving others is an easy place to start. John 15:12 says, “This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.” He has loved us in spite of our faults. In response to this amazing love, let’s strive to become more like Him in our thoughts and our actions. 

God is good! He wants to be our friend! If we can choose Him over the ways of this world, He will provide all we crave: The Love of a Friend.

Do you think of God as your Friend? What ways do you want to grow in this area? Share in the comments!

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