10 Tips for Beating a Crush: Tip 10

Here we are! The last tip of our 10 Tips for Beating a Crush series! There will still be two more posts, however, wrapping up the series. 

10. Don't Over-Analyze It

This was a big struggle for me! I would take something someone said to mean something else. Then I had to step back and say, “Girl! What are you doing?” Especially for Christian guys, you really just have to take them at face value. Just because a guy comes and sits next to you doesn’t mean he wants to marry you. It may be a silly illustration, but I’m serious. You may find life is far less complicated if you are not spending it analyzing and over analyzing something he said.

Reading into things can have several consequences. First, you’re always searching for the answer to the question, “Does he like me?” Which can cause you to ride an emotional rollercoaster. You watch him exchange a playful banter with another girl or sit next to another girl, or whatever. Then you launch yourself into self-pity and drown your sorrows in ice cream. And then the next time you see him, he’s making extra effort to be in your conversation. You skyrocket. 
Listen, I’ve been there. I’ve done that. It’s not fun. This hearkens back to Tip 3: Don’t Build Your Life on a Guy. When we get into the habit of constantly trying to “decipher” what each little comment or action means, we will find ourselves very emotionally dependent on an unstable foundation.

Second, you jump to conclusions about him. By reading into things, you can assume that he either likes you or hates you based off hardly anything. You don’t give him the benefit of the doubt but are constantly analyzing his actions.

Third, you place expectations on him to be perfectly dedicated to you. You can’t stand to see him talking to another girl. And when you do, you get angry and bitter at both of them—the guy for “cheating” on you, and the girl for liking his attention. Until he’s your boyfriend, you don’t have any sort of “claim” on him, and he should always be free to talk to other girls.

It’s not fair to our brothers in Christ for us to be constantly reading into things. It’s not loving them in a selfless, Christ-like way. It’s desiring them in a selfish, give-me-what-I-want way.

As I have more guy-friends and as I get to know them better, I’ve been discovering more and more that you just have to take them at face value. What they say is what you get. It’s not worth it to over-analyze things. Chances are, if they want to date you, they will make that very clear. 
It's good to be discerning, but discernment includes knowing when not to read into something someone said.

As one fourteen-year-old young lady writes this.

"I wanted to share a story about reading into what a guy will say/write/do and having things turn out upside-down! So I was wondering if this guy liked me and so of course I watched him. But earlier in the year, he made it clear he did not like me. So here I was, still stuck on this dude, knowing in my heart he didn’t like me but still hoping – yeah, sounds great, huh?

Well, I lived my life watching every glance, every move, every. Thing. He. Did. (talk about stalker) And reading into all of it. But at the end of the day, I would come home and cry myself to sleep because it felt empty and fake to pretend all day that he liked me. Not only did it torment me, it made me think of him more, which is never good. I would daydream about him (don’t daydream, its bad!) and I created this fantasy character who was madly in love with me. But it was all a lie, and I knew the sooner I came to terms with that, the better. But all the reading into his actions made that very, very difficult. I would say things like “He keeps looking at me!! He MUST like me!” When all the while, I had been staring at him and he just kept looking to see if I was still looking. (We’ve all been there right?) Stuff like that is dangerous, more so then you may think."

Practical Tips:

            -Look for specific areas in your life where you read into what guys say/do/write.  
        Did he compliment you recently? How many times have you replayed that scene over in your head? How many times did you try to analyze the hidden meanings behind it? Find out what ways you specifically are reading into guys.

            -Develop springboards for this. 
        Whenever you find yourself reading into a guy, move your thoughts elsewhere. Read the article, “The Springboard Approach” by Liza Grace for more on this topic.

            -Get accountability. 
         Ask someone to not let you take the conversation down, “Well, he did/said this to me. Do you think…?” Asking for accountability is humbling and when times comes for correction, not fun. However, it’s good to have someone else keeping you in line.

Do you read into guys a lot? Has this been a struggle for you? What are some things you want to change?