If you've missed the first eight posts in this series, take a moment to check them out!
8. Spend
less time with him. 
Yeah, this is a rough tip. I mean, don’t we all
want to grab the phone and text that guy and be like, “Hey, you coming to (fill
in the blank) today?” Don’t we all want
to “coincidentally” show up at that concert or restaurant he’s at?
This tip
is mostly for you if you’re trying to
eradicate a crush. It is applicable to managing a crush, but if
you’re a strong Christian girl and you like a strong Christian guy, then you
definitely should be getting to know each other. However, if you find yourself becoming obsessed with a guy—good crush or bad crush—taking some time off is
definitely something you should consider.
If you’re looking to manage your crush, sometimes
spending less time with him can mean not following him around. However, if
you’re looking to eradicate a sinful crush, it may be wise—in some
circumstances—to actually avoid seeing him several times a week. I wish there
was a formula for how much time you could spend with someone without falling in
love. Unfortunately, there isn’t. Use your judgement to discern what is helpful and what is hurtful for you and him.
This also applies to social media, emailing, and
texting. If you email your crush, and you don’t want to completely break it
off, then waiting hours or even days to respond might be smart. I know it’s
hard, but we never said beating a crush was supposed to be easy.
If you’re not convinced, here are several reasons
to spend less time with him.
First, it
can help you diagnose how much you rely on him. If you’re all dumpy and depressed when he’s not
with you, then that is a major red flag that you’re depending upon a sinful
human being to supply your happiness, satisfaction, identity, etc. Read this post for more clues that you might be obsessed with a crush. Sisters, God
didn’t make us to find fulfillment in a guy. God made us to find fulfillment in Him. He made us with needs that only He can
meet. When we try to satisfy those needs in a guy, we’re just left broken. Guys
can’t satisfy you. I can’t emphasize this enough. It’s a truth God has
taught me that I keep forgetting. So He keeps reminding me that He’s the only
One who can be everything I need and desire, and I keep coming back to Him…and
then drifting off again. It’s a constant battle, but you must hold onto the
truth.
Despite being caught up in the moment of an
exciting crush, remember that guys can’t satisfy you. Even if you feel like they will and can’t see how
they won’t, just believe it. Because it’s true. And God will show you that He’s
all you need, but you first have to just believe it.
So spending less time with a guy can help us
determine how much we’re leaning on a guy for our needs.
Second,
it can help you get a grip on your emotions. Ladies, we’re emotional. I’m emotional. And that’s fine. That’s how
God created us. But that doesn’t mean
that we should be driven by our
emotions. Spending time away from a guy can help us clear out the emotions
and think straight. This has helped me a
ton. As someone whose heart gets overwhelmed by feelings, having some time
to cool off gives me the ability to sort through the good and the bad and make a decision based on God’s Word and my
head. Not my feelings.
Not everyone is wired the same way I am, but one
thing that is super helpful to me is
to find a quiet place—I prefer outside—with a notebook and pen. I then just
pour out all my emotions, which is usually a mixed spaghetti disaster of joy,
sadness, anger, frustration, love, and confusion. It doesn’t have to be
coherent. I’m not letting anyone else read it. But it calms me down and helps
me refocus. Using the time I’m away from a guy to get a grip on my emotions is so helpful.
Third,
spending less time with a guy can help you save your heart. You’re not going to get as attached to someone you
see once a week as you would to someone you saw every day. If it’s a bad crush,
you will find yourself far less vulnerable to those feelings the less you see
him. If you’re trying to not become obsessed, some time away can help you refocus on the real Love of your life.
Despite the difficulty of not seeing someone that you want
to see, it is a very valuable tool in helping you beat a crush. The less time I spend with someone, the
less I think about him, the easier I can control my emotions, and the better
decisions I can make as a result.
Now, if God is first place in your life, and you
like a strong Christian guy, then I’m going to be the last person to tell y’all
that you can’t get together and get to know each other more. There are time and
places for spending time with a guy. I
just want to caution you to make sure to keep God first place in your heart.
Practical Tips:
-If he’s
not texting/emailing you, don’t text/email him. Don’t start a correspondence (See Tip7) if you’re trying to emotionally detach from him. It won’t help anything.
-Don’t
always keep track of where he is and when. Give the guy some space! Don’t run after him like a desperate puppy. That’s
not attractive. If he wants to be around you, he’ll make an effort to be where
you are.
-Use the
time that you would have used to
chase a guy to chase after God. This
could mean spending more time in your Bible and praying. This could mean more
time in ministry or service. Whatever it is for you, I can promise you that you
will never regret spending time with God.
-Spend
more time with people who point you toward God. Invest in the godly girls around you in fun and
meaningful ways! A couple weeks after I got my driver’s license, I went out for
frozen yogurt with one of the godly college girls from my church. It’s so
refreshing to me when I get to have a deep conversation with a like-minded
girl. I’m always so blessed and energized. Be humble enough to open up. Spend
time with people who desire to pursue Jesus with their whole heart, even if
they’re weak and struggling. If their heart is in the right place, you will be
so refreshed.
-Keep
track of how many hours you spend with a guy each week. Decide if you’re spending too much time with him.
Sometimes, you can’t do anything about it. If he does like you and follows you everywhere, you won’t be able to help
that very much beyond hiding in the ladies’ restroom. :) However, if you do
have control, try cutting down on the hours you spend with him. If you don’t
have control, then talk to your parents and see if they can help.
-If
necessary, avoid the places he is going. I do not necessarily recommend switching churches because of a guy, but I have
heard of some people who have done that. I’m talking more about that dumb movie
a group is going to see. You could go and hang out with him, or perhaps stay
home and be productive getting homework done. If a crush is causing you to sin,
then you need to take extreme measures to eradicate it.
“If your
right hand makes you stumble, cut it off and throw it from you; for it is
better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body
to go into hell.”
Matthew 5:30
Do you
think that you spend too much time with your crush—either in person or over
email/text/phone/etc? If so, what do you plan on changing? Any stories or
thoughts? Share in the comments!
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