10 Tips for Beating a Crush: Tip 9

9. Focus on others and pray for them.

Every Friday night, I volunteer at our church’s inner city kids’ ministry called Pioneers. The kids we play with and teach come from abusive and broken homes. Just a few weeks ago, I saw the broken heart of a little nine-year-old boy.

After my responsibilities were done, I wanted to go hang out with my friends. But then I was asked instead to play with the kids on the playground. I didn’t really want to, since I’d spent all evening with them and not with my friends. But God showed me that night how putting others first is so much better.

I got to have a long conversation with this little nine-year-old boy about the Gospel. We were talking about God’s love and I asked, “Who are some people in your life that love you?” He responded, “God, Jesus, and my grandma. But she’s dead.” Only a few minutes later, after he was smiling and laughing, I saw his eyes fill with tears.

I put my arm around his shoulder and as he clung to me, I felt a tear fall into my palm. He didn’t want to talk about it, but instead just sat there.

God gave me a glimpse of the suffering in a child’s life. I could have just gone and hung out with my friends—but this little boy may have been left alone.

God has bigger things for us to do right now than follow a cute guy all over the place.

When you’re in a room with him and you want to go talk to him, freeze. Ask yourself, “Is there a conversation that is more important than chatting with a guy?” Look around. Is there a girl that hasn’t been quite a cheerful as usual? Ask her if she’s okay. You may find she’s really hurting and I promise you that that conversation will be worth it ten times over.

When you take the focus off of yourself, you become more like Christ. God’s heart is for people. Just look at the prayers Jesus prayed. He was always praying for us, or asking for His Father to be glorified. In fact, if you look through the Gospels, never once did Jesus use His divine powers for Himself. He always used them for others. By focusing on others, you get rid of selfish motives and desires.

If you stop focusing on you, you stop focusing on what you want. You stop focusing on ways to use guys to give you security, belonging, meaning…etc.

Praying for others is a great way to move the focus off yourself and onto others. It helps me when I find myself struggling with joy, daydreaming, or feeling discontent, if I take time to pray for my friends.

A sixteen-year-old young lady writes,

Sometimes it's all too easy to focus so much on a crush and take your focus off of your friends and even off of God. One way to get your mind off of your crush is to look around at your friends and notice what struggles they are going through. Is someone in need of specific prayer? Is a friend having difficult time with schoolwork? Is one of your friends not saved? Opening your eyes to someone else's problems really helps take the focus off of your crush.

Some friends have much greater struggles than dealing with a crush, and some people you know may really need encouragement from you. Opening your eyes to other's problems helps take the focus off of your own.

You don't need to focus on just other people's struggles, though. You can focus on the people themselves. One way that I helped myself beat a crush was by opening my eyes to all the good friends God has blessed me with and letting myself see how much joy can be received from godly friendships.

The joy and encouragement you reap from your friends is more valuable than you think, so don't consider a crush to be more important than that. Friends are made to constantly give to each other, encourage each other, and enjoy each other's company, building foundations on Christ and His Word. When I started focusing on the attributes of my friends, I found that any loneliness I felt when it came to a crush gradually began to fill up with the love my friends have shown me.

God has been very gracious to me by helping me see what a blessing my friends are, and by helping me have more contentment, even if that means I don't have a guy liking me.

It can be a temptation to think that God and your  friends are not enough, and that having a guy like you is the only thing that can fill any loneliness in your heart. The truth is, only Christ can fill that void, and one of the beautiful ways He does it is by giving us friendships in which He demonstrates His love. We need to allow Him to do this, not just despair and claim that only guys will keep us satisfied. God is willing to help, but sometimes we don't want Him to.

Sometimes, when it comes to focusing on other things, we need to continue to remind ourselves how perfectly trustworthy He is, and He can and will help us deal with loneliness, if we bring it to Him and trust Him with it.

Also understand that you have incredible ministry potential right now. You’re single. You’re young. You’re not bound by the duties of being a wife and mother. When you take the focus off yourself, you increase your ministry potential so much. A girl crippled by a sinful or overwhelming crush cannot make the impact that a girl sold out for Christ can.

“…The woman who is unmarried, and the virgin, is concerned with the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how she may please her husband. This I say for your own benefit, not to put a restraint upon you, but to promote what is appropriate and to secure undistracted devotion to the Lord.”

1 Corinthians 7:34-35

(Emphasis added)

Practical tips:

-Make a prayer notebook/Word document with all the names of your friends. Pray for at least one of them every day. Make it a habit to ask your friends for prayer requests—yes, even the guys! If you don’t feel comfortable asking the guys for prayer requests, then just asking for something as simple as when their exams are can be easy but very meaningful.

-Keep an eye on your friends. Notice when there’s something wrong. Be there for them. Be attentive, ready, and eager to help. Remember that the girls around you need you more—and they are hurting just as much, and for many, even more than you are. Also, keep an eye on your crush like you would on your brother. Notice when he’s down, or when he’s stressed. A simple, “Praying for your test today!” can be a huge comfort to him (and don’t forget to actually pray for him!) This is part of loving him as a brother in Christ.

-Get involved in ministry. This is a tip I’ve put on several of these posts and a tip I could have put on all of them. I love ministry and God has grown me so much through it. I cannot encourage you enough to get plugged into your church and serve. God has equipped each person to serve in a special capacity in the church. You just need to go find it.

“Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.”

Philippians 2:3-4

“Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor.”

Romans 12:10

What are some ways we can be more attentive to our other people? How do you plan on serving your friends more? Any thoughts or stories? Share in the comments!