10 Tips for Beating a Crush: Your Need for Christ

The subject of crushes is so extensive and it’s impossible to cover in one blog series about all the different situations that could arise. These are a few suggestions and tips that I have found helpful—and I’m sure there are many more things you could do to beat a crush than these ten tips that I have listed!

Of course, there are times and places for crushes. I absolutely hope that you have a crush on your future husband! But for teen girls in a world that is assaulting us with the notion that we need a guy to be happy—we’ve got to remember that we don’t need crushes. We don’t need guys. We need God. As soon as we realize that, we can make a huge impact on the culture around us. 

One thing that I’ve learned is that, even if your crush is super godly, your relationship with Jesus must ALWAYS come first. Your relationship with Jesus doesn’t go on hold while you run after this guy and then resume once you’re dating, or married.

Right now, for many of us, we’re in a season of waiting. Waiting to meet someone, waiting to fall in love, waiting for him to fall in love with you, waiting for him to ask…etc. And I know that waiting is hard. But just because something is good and you want it doesn’t mean it’s God’s time for it yet in your life right now—or ever. We must rest in the fact that God desires to do us good and that He desires to give us what we want. However, we must first delight ourselves in the Lord and then we can enjoy His gifts to their fullest extent.

Our natural desire is to one day be married and raise a family of our own. But sometimes it can feel like God doesn’t want us to have the biggest desire of our heart. However, that is a lie that Satan will try to make you believe. God loves to do good to you.

Here are a couple verses that prove this point:

“Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him, and He will act. He will bring forth your righteousness as the light, and your justice as the noonday. Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him; fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way, over the man who carries out evil devices!”

Psalm 37:4-7

(emphasis added)

“What the wicked fears will come upon him,

But the desire of the righteous will be granted.”

Proverbs 10:24

"The Lord God is a sun and a shield; no good thing will He withhold from them that walk uprightly. O Lord of Hosts, blessed is the man that trusts in You."

Psalm 84:11-12

(emphasis added)

 “ But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.”

Matthew 6:33

“For I know the plans that I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.”

Jeremiah 29:11-13

(emphasis added)

What stood out to me in Jeremiah 29:11-13 was the last promise:

"You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart."

Sometimes it can seem like pursuing Jesus is like running after your family's car when they've left you somewhere and don't notice. It can feel impossible.

But here is a promise from the lips of God Himself—that He will be found. He's not going to hide Himself from us if we truly desire to see Him. If we seek Him with our whole hearts He promises to be found.

Tell me, sisters, is this not a beautiful promise? It’s so easy to get overwhelmed and it can feel like God is so far away. But something about this promise that God would make Himself known to me if I ran after Him has given me so much strength so many times.

We can pray for God to take away the feelings, but sometimes the answer to that is no. However, there is another prayer we can pray, that if God won't take away the feelings, He will take away the distractions.

Even though my heart wanders so much from God, I can truly say that I want nothing more than to pursue Jesus with my whole heart. Through His grace, He always draws me back. He patiently teaches me again and again that He is all I need.

It's hard, when you have a crush, to believe that God is all you need. But He really is, and sometimes, I just had to trust that God is enough. I've just had to believe that He is the only thing that will fulfill me and act on that knowledge against what I felt.

Remember, even though we wander and even though we run, God will always still be there with open arms. He is faithful, steadfast, unchanging. These are promises that I cling to every day.

"If we are faithless, He remains faithful— for He cannot deny himself."

2 Timothy 2:13

“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

1 John 1:9

“Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.”

Proverbs 4:23

"And all the people said to Samuel, 'Pray for your servants to the LORD your God, that we may not die, for we have added to all our sins this evil, to ask for ourselves a king.' And Samuel said to the people, 'Do not be afraid; you have done all this evil. Yet do not turn aside from following the LORD but serve the LORD with all your heart. And do not turn aside after empty things that cannot profit or deliver, for they are empty. For the LORD will not forsake His people, for His great name's sake, because it has pleased the LORD to make you a people for Himself. Moreover, as for me, far be it from me that I should sin against the LORD by ceasing to pray for you, and I will instruct you in the good and the right way. Only fear the LORD and serve Him faithfully with all your heart. For consider what great things He has done for you. But if you still do wickedly, you shall be swept away, both you and your king."

1 Samuel 12:19-25

(emphasis added)

What thoughts or stories do you have? Share in the comments!

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10 Tips for Beating a Crush: Tip 10

Here we are! The last tip of our 10 Tips for Beating a Crush series! There will still be two more posts, however, wrapping up the series. 

10. Don't Over-Analyze It

This was a big struggle for me! I would take something someone said to mean something else. Then I had to step back and say, “Girl! What are you doing?” Especially for Christian guys, you really just have to take them at face value. Just because a guy comes and sits next to you doesn’t mean he wants to marry you. It may be a silly illustration, but I’m serious. You may find life is far less complicated if you are not spending it analyzing and over analyzing something he said.

Reading into things can have several consequences. First, you’re always searching for the answer to the question, “Does he like me?” Which can cause you to ride an emotional rollercoaster. You watch him exchange a playful banter with another girl or sit next to another girl, or whatever. Then you launch yourself into self-pity and drown your sorrows in ice cream. And then the next time you see him, he’s making extra effort to be in your conversation. You skyrocket. 
Listen, I’ve been there. I’ve done that. It’s not fun. This hearkens back to Tip 3: Don’t Build Your Life on a Guy. When we get into the habit of constantly trying to “decipher” what each little comment or action means, we will find ourselves very emotionally dependent on an unstable foundation.

Second, you jump to conclusions about him. By reading into things, you can assume that he either likes you or hates you based off hardly anything. You don’t give him the benefit of the doubt but are constantly analyzing his actions.

Third, you place expectations on him to be perfectly dedicated to you. You can’t stand to see him talking to another girl. And when you do, you get angry and bitter at both of them—the guy for “cheating” on you, and the girl for liking his attention. Until he’s your boyfriend, you don’t have any sort of “claim” on him, and he should always be free to talk to other girls.

It’s not fair to our brothers in Christ for us to be constantly reading into things. It’s not loving them in a selfless, Christ-like way. It’s desiring them in a selfish, give-me-what-I-want way.

As I have more guy-friends and as I get to know them better, I’ve been discovering more and more that you just have to take them at face value. What they say is what you get. It’s not worth it to over-analyze things. Chances are, if they want to date you, they will make that very clear. 
It's good to be discerning, but discernment includes knowing when not to read into something someone said.

As one fourteen-year-old young lady writes this.

"I wanted to share a story about reading into what a guy will say/write/do and having things turn out upside-down! So I was wondering if this guy liked me and so of course I watched him. But earlier in the year, he made it clear he did not like me. So here I was, still stuck on this dude, knowing in my heart he didn’t like me but still hoping – yeah, sounds great, huh?

Well, I lived my life watching every glance, every move, every. Thing. He. Did. (talk about stalker) And reading into all of it. But at the end of the day, I would come home and cry myself to sleep because it felt empty and fake to pretend all day that he liked me. Not only did it torment me, it made me think of him more, which is never good. I would daydream about him (don’t daydream, its bad!) and I created this fantasy character who was madly in love with me. But it was all a lie, and I knew the sooner I came to terms with that, the better. But all the reading into his actions made that very, very difficult. I would say things like “He keeps looking at me!! He MUST like me!” When all the while, I had been staring at him and he just kept looking to see if I was still looking. (We’ve all been there right?) Stuff like that is dangerous, more so then you may think."

Practical Tips:

            -Look for specific areas in your life where you read into what guys say/do/write.  
        Did he compliment you recently? How many times have you replayed that scene over in your head? How many times did you try to analyze the hidden meanings behind it? Find out what ways you specifically are reading into guys.

            -Develop springboards for this. 
        Whenever you find yourself reading into a guy, move your thoughts elsewhere. Read the article, “The Springboard Approach” by Liza Grace for more on this topic.

            -Get accountability. 
         Ask someone to not let you take the conversation down, “Well, he did/said this to me. Do you think…?” Asking for accountability is humbling and when times comes for correction, not fun. However, it’s good to have someone else keeping you in line.

Do you read into guys a lot? Has this been a struggle for you? What are some things you want to change? 

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10 Tips for Beating a Crush: Tip 9

9. Focus on others and pray for them.

Every Friday night, I volunteer at our church’s inner city kids’ ministry called Pioneers. The kids we play with and teach come from abusive and broken homes. Just a few weeks ago, I saw the broken heart of a little nine-year-old boy.

After my responsibilities were done, I wanted to go hang out with my friends. But then I was asked instead to play with the kids on the playground. I didn’t really want to, since I’d spent all evening with them and not with my friends. But God showed me that night how putting others first is so much better.

I got to have a long conversation with this little nine-year-old boy about the Gospel. We were talking about God’s love and I asked, “Who are some people in your life that love you?” He responded, “God, Jesus, and my grandma. But she’s dead.” Only a few minutes later, after he was smiling and laughing, I saw his eyes fill with tears.

I put my arm around his shoulder and as he clung to me, I felt a tear fall into my palm. He didn’t want to talk about it, but instead just sat there.

God gave me a glimpse of the suffering in a child’s life. I could have just gone and hung out with my friends—but this little boy may have been left alone.

God has bigger things for us to do right now than follow a cute guy all over the place.

When you’re in a room with him and you want to go talk to him, freeze. Ask yourself, “Is there a conversation that is more important than chatting with a guy?” Look around. Is there a girl that hasn’t been quite a cheerful as usual? Ask her if she’s okay. You may find she’s really hurting and I promise you that that conversation will be worth it ten times over.

When you take the focus off of yourself, you become more like Christ. God’s heart is for people. Just look at the prayers Jesus prayed. He was always praying for us, or asking for His Father to be glorified. In fact, if you look through the Gospels, never once did Jesus use His divine powers for Himself. He always used them for others. By focusing on others, you get rid of selfish motives and desires.

If you stop focusing on you, you stop focusing on what you want. You stop focusing on ways to use guys to give you security, belonging, meaning…etc.

Praying for others is a great way to move the focus off yourself and onto others. It helps me when I find myself struggling with joy, daydreaming, or feeling discontent, if I take time to pray for my friends.

A sixteen-year-old young lady writes,

Sometimes it's all too easy to focus so much on a crush and take your focus off of your friends and even off of God. One way to get your mind off of your crush is to look around at your friends and notice what struggles they are going through. Is someone in need of specific prayer? Is a friend having difficult time with schoolwork? Is one of your friends not saved? Opening your eyes to someone else's problems really helps take the focus off of your crush.

Some friends have much greater struggles than dealing with a crush, and some people you know may really need encouragement from you. Opening your eyes to other's problems helps take the focus off of your own.

You don't need to focus on just other people's struggles, though. You can focus on the people themselves. One way that I helped myself beat a crush was by opening my eyes to all the good friends God has blessed me with and letting myself see how much joy can be received from godly friendships.

The joy and encouragement you reap from your friends is more valuable than you think, so don't consider a crush to be more important than that. Friends are made to constantly give to each other, encourage each other, and enjoy each other's company, building foundations on Christ and His Word. When I started focusing on the attributes of my friends, I found that any loneliness I felt when it came to a crush gradually began to fill up with the love my friends have shown me.

God has been very gracious to me by helping me see what a blessing my friends are, and by helping me have more contentment, even if that means I don't have a guy liking me.

It can be a temptation to think that God and your  friends are not enough, and that having a guy like you is the only thing that can fill any loneliness in your heart. The truth is, only Christ can fill that void, and one of the beautiful ways He does it is by giving us friendships in which He demonstrates His love. We need to allow Him to do this, not just despair and claim that only guys will keep us satisfied. God is willing to help, but sometimes we don't want Him to.

Sometimes, when it comes to focusing on other things, we need to continue to remind ourselves how perfectly trustworthy He is, and He can and will help us deal with loneliness, if we bring it to Him and trust Him with it.

Also understand that you have incredible ministry potential right now. You’re single. You’re young. You’re not bound by the duties of being a wife and mother. When you take the focus off yourself, you increase your ministry potential so much. A girl crippled by a sinful or overwhelming crush cannot make the impact that a girl sold out for Christ can.

“…The woman who is unmarried, and the virgin, is concerned with the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how she may please her husband. This I say for your own benefit, not to put a restraint upon you, but to promote what is appropriate and to secure undistracted devotion to the Lord.”

1 Corinthians 7:34-35

(Emphasis added)

Practical tips:

-Make a prayer notebook/Word document with all the names of your friends. Pray for at least one of them every day. Make it a habit to ask your friends for prayer requests—yes, even the guys! If you don’t feel comfortable asking the guys for prayer requests, then just asking for something as simple as when their exams are can be easy but very meaningful.

-Keep an eye on your friends. Notice when there’s something wrong. Be there for them. Be attentive, ready, and eager to help. Remember that the girls around you need you more—and they are hurting just as much, and for many, even more than you are. Also, keep an eye on your crush like you would on your brother. Notice when he’s down, or when he’s stressed. A simple, “Praying for your test today!” can be a huge comfort to him (and don’t forget to actually pray for him!) This is part of loving him as a brother in Christ.

-Get involved in ministry. This is a tip I’ve put on several of these posts and a tip I could have put on all of them. I love ministry and God has grown me so much through it. I cannot encourage you enough to get plugged into your church and serve. God has equipped each person to serve in a special capacity in the church. You just need to go find it.

“Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.”

Philippians 2:3-4

“Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor.”

Romans 12:10

What are some ways we can be more attentive to our other people? How do you plan on serving your friends more? Any thoughts or stories? Share in the comments!

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10 Tips for Beating a Crush: Tip 8

If you've missed the first eight posts in this series, take a moment to check them out!

10 Tips for Beating a Crush: The Heart

10 Tips for Beating a Crush: Tip 1

10 Tips for Beating a Crush: Tip 2

10 Tips for Beating a Crush: Tip 3

10 Tips for Beating a Crush: Tip 4

10 Tips for Beating a Crush: Tip 5

10 Tips for Beating a Crush: Tip 6

10 Tips for Beating a Crush: Tip 7

8. Spend less time with him.

Yeah, this is a rough tip. I mean, don’t we all want to grab the phone and text that guy and be like, “Hey, you coming to (fill in the blank) today?” Don’t we all want to “coincidentally” show up at that concert or restaurant he’s at?

This tip is mostly for you if you’re trying to eradicate a crush. It is applicable to managing a crush, but if you’re a strong Christian girl and you like a strong Christian guy, then you definitely should be getting to know each other. However, if you find yourself becoming obsessed with a guy—good crush or bad crush—taking some time off is definitely something you should consider.

If you’re looking to manage your crush, sometimes spending less time with him can mean not following him around. However, if you’re looking to eradicate a sinful crush, it may be wise—in some circumstances—to actually avoid seeing him several times a week. I wish there was a formula for how much time you could spend with someone without falling in love. Unfortunately, there isn’t. Use your judgement to discern what is helpful and what is hurtful for you and him.

This also applies to social media, emailing, and texting. If you email your crush, and you don’t want to completely break it off, then waiting hours or even days to respond might be smart. I know it’s hard, but we never said beating a crush was supposed to be easy.

If you’re not convinced, here are several reasons to spend less time with him.

First, it can help you diagnose how much you rely on him. If you’re all dumpy and depressed when he’s not with you, then that is a major red flag that you’re depending upon a sinful human being to supply your happiness, satisfaction, identity, etc. Read this post for more clues that you might be obsessed with a crush. Sisters, God didn’t make us to find fulfillment in a guy. God made us to find fulfillment in Him. He made us with needs that only He can meet. When we try to satisfy those needs in a guy, we’re just left broken. Guys can’t satisfy you. I can’t emphasize this enough. It’s a truth God has taught me that I keep forgetting. So He keeps reminding me that He’s the only One who can be everything I need and desire, and I keep coming back to Him…and then drifting off again. It’s a constant battle, but you must hold onto the truth.

Despite being caught up in the moment of an exciting crush, remember that guys can’t satisfy you. Even if you feel like they will and can’t see how they won’t, just believe it. Because it’s true. And God will show you that He’s all you need, but you first have to just believe it.

So spending less time with a guy can help us determine how much we’re leaning on a guy for our needs.

Second, it can help you get a grip on your emotions. Ladies, we’re emotional. I’m emotional. And that’s fine. That’s how God created us. But that doesn’t mean that we should be driven by our emotions. Spending time away from a guy can help us clear out the emotions and think straight. This has helped me a ton. As someone whose heart gets overwhelmed by feelings, having some time to cool off gives me the ability to sort through the good and the bad and make a decision based on God’s Word and my head. Not my feelings.

Not everyone is wired the same way I am, but one thing that is super helpful to me is to find a quiet place—I prefer outside—with a notebook and pen. I then just pour out all my emotions, which is usually a mixed spaghetti disaster of joy, sadness, anger, frustration, love, and confusion. It doesn’t have to be coherent. I’m not letting anyone else read it. But it calms me down and helps me refocus. Using the time I’m away from a guy to get a grip on my emotions is so helpful.

Third, spending less time with a guy can help you save your heart. You’re not going to get as attached to someone you see once a week as you would to someone you saw every day. If it’s a bad crush, you will find yourself far less vulnerable to those feelings the less you see him. If you’re trying to not become obsessed, some time away can help you refocus on the real Love of your life.

Despite the difficulty of not seeing someone that you want to see, it is a very valuable tool in helping you beat a crush. The less time I spend with someone, the less I think about him, the easier I can control my emotions, and the better decisions I can make as a result.

Now, if God is first place in your life, and you like a strong Christian guy, then I’m going to be the last person to tell y’all that you can’t get together and get to know each other more. There are time and places for spending time with a guy. I just want to caution you to make sure to keep God first place in your heart.

Practical Tips:

-If he’s not texting/emailing you, don’t text/email him. Don’t start a correspondence (See Tip7) if you’re trying to emotionally detach from him. It won’t help anything.

-Don’t always keep track of where he is and when. Give the guy some space! Don’t run after him like a desperate puppy. That’s not attractive. If he wants to be around you, he’ll make an effort to be where you are.

-Use the time that you would have used to chase a guy to chase after God. This could mean spending more time in your Bible and praying. This could mean more time in ministry or service. Whatever it is for you, I can promise you that you will never regret spending time with God.

-Spend more time with people who point you toward God. Invest in the godly girls around you in fun and meaningful ways! A couple weeks after I got my driver’s license, I went out for frozen yogurt with one of the godly college girls from my church. It’s so refreshing to me when I get to have a deep conversation with a like-minded girl. I’m always so blessed and energized. Be humble enough to open up. Spend time with people who desire to pursue Jesus with their whole heart, even if they’re weak and struggling. If their heart is in the right place, you will be so refreshed.

-Keep track of how many hours you spend with a guy each week. Decide if you’re spending too much time with him. Sometimes, you can’t do anything about it. If he does like you and follows you everywhere, you won’t be able to help that very much beyond hiding in the ladies’ restroom. :) However, if you do have control, try cutting down on the hours you spend with him. If you don’t have control, then talk to your parents and see if they can help.

-If necessary, avoid the places he is going. I do not necessarily recommend switching churches because of a guy, but I have heard of some people who have done that. I’m talking more about that dumb movie a group is going to see. You could go and hang out with him, or perhaps stay home and be productive getting homework done. If a crush is causing you to sin, then you need to take extreme measures to eradicate it.

“If your right hand makes you stumble, cut it off and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to go into hell.”

Matthew 5:30

Do you think that you spend too much time with your crush—either in person or over email/text/phone/etc? If so, what do you plan on changing? Any stories or thoughts? Share in the comments!

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